Cheryl Tweedy-Cole-Fernandez-Versini has a new single, and her snatch, out. Look, see:

That first photo should be captioned, “Nurse pet, Ahm propa reddy for me smear,like !”

Strictly Happy – George Sad

It’s going to be a VINTAGE Strictly year. The first shows were so good that fora nanosecond I stopped grieving about this being the weekend when George Clooney marries divine international human rights lawyer, and wearer of big earrings, Amal Alamuddin.

Let’s romp through the dances in no particular order. No, stuff that, let start […]


Last night at the theatre I sat next to a woman (straggly blonde, crochet waistcoat,fringed skirt 1960’s reject) who put her heels up on the back of the seat in front of her and with her toes repeatedly tapped the grey curls of the bloke sat there. It took him about a minute to turn […]

Thick and Thin aka Claudess

I’m back! Want to know where I’ve been? Google ‘Stevens Johnson syndrome’ – nuff said.

And so is Strictly this Sunday.

Thick and Thin will be the new presenters and I’m giving them a big chance. It’s great that Claudess* have got the primetime power, but only if they’re terrific. *Is there enough jewel […]

Hot Lips

It’s all India Knight’s fault.She recommended Lord and Berry’s eye kohl in her Sunday Times column and like the product lemming I am, I ordered it. She praised how deep black it is, and easy to apply. It’s not in pencil form but comes in a lipstick case.

The other night I went to the […]

Home Cheap Home?

If you have been wondering where I have got to over the past three weeks I can tell you – I have been everywhere. Well, in every London borough at least.

My daughter, hoping to buy her first home, used a spreadsheet to identify where it’s cheap in London and then hauled me along to […]

Tennis, Tin-Tin and Doggy Luck

Wot a tennis week.

Tuesday I was super lucky to have a ticket for Wimbledon and, other than the great tennis, I enjoyed watching Katherine Jenkin’s make up. I think she must have put her face in a kiln and fired it because the woman sat in the royal box under the glaring sun […]

Sad Sandals and Green Toenails

I had a cup of tea in John Lewis Oxford Street today and my daughter, who was my shopping escort, remarked that everyone looked like me. I glanced around for the all gorgeous hip hop happening people, but could only see grey haired, cardiganned ladies sat behind their teapots.

On my feet were a pair […]

Kiss Me ?


I went to see Dirty Rotten Scoundrels at the Savoy Theatre last night. I think it was good, but got so distracted by the couple in front of me swapping saliva that I’m not sure.

How is it possible to snog for one hour and forty five minutes solid? AND they were thirty-somethings, judging […]

Kathleen Turner and Hunkers

So we went to see Bakersfield Mist at the Duchess Theatre yesterday, Kathleen Turner growls her way through the script magnificently – and it was a terrific half evening out.

The play started at 7.30 and we were back out on the street at 8.50. Unless we made a mistake and left at the interval […]