Free Stile

I tried to storm a public loo on Sunday after I discovered it was 50p per person for a comfort stop.

50p? I figured that I could buy one get one pee free if I rushed the turnstile SAS style straight after my daughter. She paid to get in without as much as a […]

Want to be SuperFitSmartSexy?

Want to boost your brain power, your immune system and your libido?

Easy. All you need is a bucket, a ten year old boy and and an egg.

Boil, or for maximum benefit, poach the egg in the boy’s urine decanted into a pan from the bucket. In no time at all family and friends […]

Fried Eggs, Bette and Barry

Teeth Whitening – Part 2.

As well as having to follow an All White Diet for 48 hours I was forbidden by the Hygenist to wear lipstick. My (ab)use of lipstick makes Bette Davis in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane look positively au naturel around the lip area.

“Are you ill?”

“Are you tired?”

“Is […]

Barry and Depressed Dogs

I am under strict instructions to follow an All White Diet for 48 hours because I have just had my teeth whitened.

A White Diet means no tea, red wine, tomatoes, chocolate, vegetables, salad or wholewheat pasta bread or cereal. When I bleated to the hygenist that the list covered everything I eat […]

Strictly Charles, Cherie and Daffodils

All my daffodils have come up without flowers this year. Inspired by Prince Charles I have asked why they have let me down. If they don’t come up with a good answer I’ll have to ground them.

And yuk to infinity – Cherie Blair has told the world that she and Tony still find one […]

Greek Gordon

I’m a veggie so when we go to our local Fish and Chip shop to eat my choice is always greek salad and chips with a side of mushy peas. What can I say ? I’m a freestyler.

So on a recent visit to a different fish and chip restaurant I ordered the usual. My […]

Rods and Bods and Orange

It’s been one of those weeks where my bottom and the corner of the sofa (blog HQ) haven’t been in contact much. I blame Groupon – the discount deals site that is beating my credit card senseless. Scuba Diving, Teeth Whitening, A Thames Speedboat Ride, Zorbit Balling, two haircuts, three massages and a fish pedicure […]

Beanie Bonnet

As I have mentioned before in this blog, these days I am hiss hot. Hormones are to blame. All winter I have slept starkers on top of the bedcovers under an open window.

My husband wears pj’s, a fleece, ski socks and a beanie hat beneath the duvet. He has been complaining that the cross […]