The poor guy could be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after nine years with Mad-Donna.  My guess is that she wears an animal print leotard, fishnets and stilettos in bed. She’s so super  toned  that Guy probably bruised himself every time he made contact with her on their marital mattress. I bet jimmie jams were banned in Mad-Donna Mansions and post divorce he could hardly wait to jump into a pair and hang loose.

Guy was wearing  a Cary Grant style Stripey pair, by the way, not  My Little Pony or Cupcake print ones and no teddy bears were harmed in the wearing of his jimmies.  Even Mockney Film Directors are entitled to chillax and snuggle down at home, aren’t they?

And it’s not the pj’s, it’s what’s underneath that counts. Hands up who would turn down George Clooney in pyjamas?

I did an interview with Tony Livesey about taking children out of school for holidays in term time and suggested that as per the Queens Speech parents who want their children to sunbathe or ski  instead of study should band together and start their very own ‘Do Whatever I Want Whenever I Want’ Academy. They can take 52 weeks a year holiday instead of just 13 and teach their children that education doesn’t matter and neither does the rest of the class or the teacher.

Jeans, trainers and mini skirts were top of his No, No, No list. I suggested that perhaps he would like women over forty to wear shrouds in neutral colours (nothing patterned , sequinned or bright) so they are grave-ready once they are into their fourth decade..

There’s been a lot of rubbishing women in the popular press this week. The Aintree laydees were held up as an example of tanned and technicoloured trash because they had dressed up, made up and backcombed for a day at the races. I admit I didn’t covet their dresses, heels or handbangs but I did admire their cheerfulness and their confidence.

Joan Collins has written this week that she is appalled that the Ritz are allowing their clientele to wear denim.  ”Denim is MacDonalds, not The Ritz” snooted Ms Collins who is a self appointed style guru. She believes women shouldn’t wear jeans or fleeces. If I was forced to classify her look I would describe it as ‘dug up’. It would be difficult to emulate her personal style even if you wanted to as Ms Collins has already bought up all the costume jewellery, pancake foundation and lip liner in the Western hemisphere.

Wear whatever you want at whatever age. Choose purple, eat a peach,  but please remember my dear late mother’s advice and  keep your chest warm.

That’s 128 reasons to love my mum, their grandmother, right there. She would line the four of them up, or prop them against something if they were too young to stand, and count to one hundred all the time  eyeballing them to make sure teeth got brushed thoroughly top and bottom, inside and out. Then, when she reached one hundred she would start all over again and make them brush some more. The reason they needed to brush their teeth so thoroughly ? Nanny had a sweetie bag the size of a family suitcase that was never closed to  little hands.

On Radio 5 Live’s Tony Livesey’s programme last night I took part in a discussion about how grandparents are too soft and can make their grandchildren fat and indolent. Lots of callers and texters to the programme complained about grandparents being over indulgent.

 My children worshipped my mum and dad.  They shared a common enemy – me.  I was horrified that my dad allowed my children and their friends  climb trees and swing upside down from pencil thin branches on the walk home from school.  And they loved it when he got them to roll up a week’s supply of cigarettes using his tin of tobbaco and rizla red papers, especially the licking part.  I only found out about that when they wrote about fag making in their school diaries and the teacher showed me…..

My experience of grandparents is that they have a unique combination of patience and kindness that mums with jobs and menstrual cycles could never equal.

Last night I defended them to the end on radio because I believe they are national treasures. What’s your grandparent story?