Sting and Trudy Styler making the nation barffffff by banging on and on about their sex life is hugely entertaining, not least because it inspired one of my all time favourite jokes:

Q – What do Sting and Trudy’s Tantric Sex antics and a Plumber’s Appointment have in common?

A – You stay in all day and no-one comes.

My seat cost £27 and was a plank of wood so low to the floor that I sat with my cheekbones between  my knees. Numb-bumitis would have been a pleasure. I suffered maximus painius in my gluteus. Sitting there was like being in an advanced yoga position that had to be held for two and a half hours. Sting would have loved it.

Tamzin Outhwaite played Sweet Charity and she was willing - but not able. Too old for a start. Not ancient like Elaine Paige was in the last Palladium production of The King and I (dubbed The King and His Mum by one friend of mine who saw it) but too old to be cutesy and springy which is what’s needed for the ingenue Charity.

The ensemble were terrific and took my mind off my throbbing bum, but when Tamzin was donkey dancing around the stage on her own I was cringing for her.

Seats nought of of 10, production overall 5 out of 10.  Charity should stay at home.