Last night I lay on top of the bedcovers  beneath a window flung wide open. I was wearing  my freshly washed birthday suit and steam was rising gently from my pimply hot skin. To my right my husband was laying sparko on his back and tucked up tight beneath the duvet wearing wooolly pyjamas and a beanie hat for extra warmth.

Without any grunt or fidget style prior warning he turned over away from me tugging the duvet as he went which surprise rolled me out of bed and down onto the floor.  The breeze for the few moments I was in freefall was very pleasant and compensation for my bruises. As I climbed back onto the bed I tried and failed to prod him awake. “You pushed me out of bed!”  I whinged.

“Pussy Cat Dolls” was his fast alseep answer.

I know this much for sure by looking at her latest  promo pictures where she has sunglasses on indoors (Confusion -  symptom number one) and is wearing no skirt or trousers outdoors (Forgetfulness – symptom number …er I can’t remember) and she’s obviously mixed up looking hot at all times with feeling hot all of the time. 

 http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1316567/Madonna-prowls-eye-popping-clevage-new-Dolce-Gabanna-advert.html

He’s not hunky, but the little bloke is giving a very silly competition his all.  So I confess I momentarily forgot he looks like a  clog dancing corgi  and dialled the number.  I’m at the point in my cycle where my thinking is fuzzy wuzzy. Next week I may attack my TV with a sequinned mallet so I don’t have to watch Chris dancing. The menopause is never dull.

Dancy Bussell made a holy show of everyone else who has ever boogied on Strictly. I suspect that woman eats rubber bands for breakfast.

I’m sad that Ali couldn’t release her inner pole dancer and make it to the final. She’s the sort of girl who would have a kitten, a thermal vest and slippers with pom poms on her family crest. I bet she has mini pink gerbera daisies where her nipples should be.