My Irish mother gene makes me want to scream at Mariah Carey “Keep your chest warm!” Her dress has got to be on back to front, right ?

Nicole Kidman has taken to wearing vintage Austrian blinds in toilet roll colours to awards, but her husband Keith Urban looked very dishy and sober and adoring - so good for her.

Jeremy Irons is dry as dust and if there was a special award for being an up yourself ageing lothario it would be his in perpetuity. Ralph Fiennes can be his deputy.

The question I most want to be asked in the coming week is “Who are you wearing?”  I plan to reply ‘Robert Dyas’ or ‘William Hill’ because I have gleaned from the red carpet interviews that it’s not what you say but the WIGGLE that goes with the answer that counts.