Rory Bremner came on grinning and looking just like Chucky from the horror films

Lulu bombed, and I’m not talking about her Time Bomb brand of face creams

Dancy Nancy’s glamour bod is so irresistable that even her feather boa couldn’t bear to leave it behind, but still she danced on, and did a good impression of the Leaning Tower of Pisa

Russell Grant inspired me to put my cheese and crackers down to give him a standing ovation

Craig didn’t get the chance to comment on REdwina’s gusto gussett work. And Vincent almost managed to hide his disappointment at being paired up with this year’s menopausal maniac

Dan Lobb’s dance (WHO is he?) reminded me to order some fencing planks

I found Audley’s six foot plus bulk and his size SEVENTEEN feet very cute

Robbie Savage’s nipple cleavage in his Peacocks velour trackie was HaHaHa in the ChaChaCha

And what didn’t surprise me? I still don’t like Alesha’s work (an 8 in week one for Holly? Really?)and Tess Daly’s worst enemy is choosing her clothes again on this series. My evidence for this claim is the puce bedsheet the divine and willowy Tess was wearing on Friday.

I love Strictly, espcially when I don’t. And my early prediction for the final is Chelsee and Russell.

Tonight’s theme was game old birds: Tess Daly wore a Sesame Street big bird jumpsuit and introduced Dolly Parton who was dressed in Mother Goose style gauchos.

Edwina Currie was done up as half Queen Mother and half showgirl. Lulu is clearly this years dance-to-kill competitor and Nancy D’Elusiono believes she is Italy’s finest UK import. Nancy hearts Nancy.

I’m early liking Anita Dobson – she left firm palm prints all Robin’s chest and neck after a very short acquaintance and reminded me to add mature cheese to this week’s shopping list.

And Rory Bremner isn’t this year’s only impersonator on the show – Nicky Clarke is on there claiming to be some footballer or other.

Tess was thrilled with all her coo-pulls and so am I, and she deserved her Carer’s Allowance tonight for doing such a good job wheeling Brucie around.

GUTTED I have to wait three weeks for more smiles, sequins and sweat.

1. My husband has lost two stone in weight and is now making me look fatter than I am. Plus he watches me every time I eat a Galaxy Caramel Egg and is impairing my enjoyment of  sucking out the centre. No-one mention Jack Sprat and his wife…..

2. I ordered some age delay face cream from QVC three weeks ago and despite several telephone calls and a lot of form filling in - it still hasn’t arrived although I’ve told them it’s an EMERGENCY.

3. I have just finished ‘One Day’ by David Nicholls and cried because it was over and I want to be able to write like him and it stinks that I don’t. 

4. Lulu gets on my not surgically enhanced t**s . She doesn’t look young, she looks like a plastic surgeon’s muse but she’s keeping her saveloy size lips tightly closed on the ‘has she/ hasn’t she?’  question because it helps to sell her anti ageing creams on QVC.  See complaint number 2 above.