Helena with her electric shock style hair, pale skin and panda eyes is the perfect NHS muse for an outfit to wear whilst having a near death experience. I’m sure Ben will remember to accessorise: mock-croc morgue tags and bling studded containers for dentures could be included in his high style hospital range. And what about irridescent bedpans in a range of seasonal colours. Or maybe some linen syringe covers in neutral shades?

And why are the existing hospital gowns called ‘bum flashers’? Any time I have ever worn them I tie the opening at the front. Does that makes me a belly button flasher?