The poor guy could be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after nine years with Mad-Donna.  My guess is that she wears an animal print leotard, fishnets and stilettos in bed. She’s so super  toned  that Guy probably bruised himself every time he made contact with her on their marital mattress. I bet jimmie jams were banned in Mad-Donna Mansions and post divorce he could hardly wait to jump into a pair and hang loose.

Guy was wearing  a Cary Grant style Stripey pair, by the way, not  My Little Pony or Cupcake print ones and no teddy bears were harmed in the wearing of his jimmies.  Even Mockney Film Directors are entitled to chillax and snuggle down at home, aren’t they?

And it’s not the pj’s, it’s what’s underneath that counts. Hands up who would turn down George Clooney in pyjamas?

I did an interview with Tony Livesey about taking children out of school for holidays in term time and suggested that as per the Queens Speech parents who want their children to sunbathe or ski  instead of study should band together and start their very own ‘Do Whatever I Want Whenever I Want’ Academy. They can take 52 weeks a year holiday instead of just 13 and teach their children that education doesn’t matter and neither does the rest of the class or the teacher.

It was all quite predictable in a  ’Mr Get ‘Em Off!’ meets ‘Ms Button Up Your Cardigan’ way. I even invented a new word for the young women who choose to compete in these cheek to cheek booty contests and called them ‘Dimbos’ – but I’m feeling a bit guilty today. If those  women want to strut their stuff in stilettos and a sequinned swimsuit why should I sneer at them? Can you hear my conscience stirring?

Beauty competitions are cheesey and take me right back down a time tunnel to 1960′s TV. I remember ‘Opportunity Knocks’ and the contestant who spent three prime time minutes banging himself on the head with a tin tray to the tune of the national anthem. Pointless but very entertaining.

Maybe Miss England is now actually kitsch and has evolved into a heritage pursuit. Perhaps every swimsuit on parade should have a blue plaque attached. Am I taking the objectification of women far too seriously?!  Maybe I am not Ms Feminist North West London but Miss The Point?

Jeans, trainers and mini skirts were top of his No, No, No list. I suggested that perhaps he would like women over forty to wear shrouds in neutral colours (nothing patterned , sequinned or bright) so they are grave-ready once they are into their fourth decade..

There’s been a lot of rubbishing women in the popular press this week. The Aintree laydees were held up as an example of tanned and technicoloured trash because they had dressed up, made up and backcombed for a day at the races. I admit I didn’t covet their dresses, heels or handbangs but I did admire their cheerfulness and their confidence.

Joan Collins has written this week that she is appalled that the Ritz are allowing their clientele to wear denim.  ”Denim is MacDonalds, not The Ritz” snooted Ms Collins who is a self appointed style guru. She believes women shouldn’t wear jeans or fleeces. If I was forced to classify her look I would describe it as ‘dug up’. It would be difficult to emulate her personal style even if you wanted to as Ms Collins has already bought up all the costume jewellery, pancake foundation and lip liner in the Western hemisphere.

Wear whatever you want at whatever age. Choose purple, eat a peach,  but please remember my dear late mother’s advice and  keep your chest warm.