«
»

19 DecHappy,Happy, Happy!

5 Comments »

I am so excited with my special Christmas present from my daughters. It is a work of art,  a thing of beauty and totally original. It has an unequalled sense of proportion and balance.  In my expert opinion my present is priceless.

My gift? An airing cupboard blitz: the girls  hoovered it out, then ironed all the sheets, duvets and pillowcases before putting them back in size order. Bath towels got refolded and rearranged - darkest colours at the bottom, lightest on top. Hand and face towels were stacked in a jaunty separate pile close by.

I feel like a new woman. It’s as though they’ve tidied my brain. It has made me ridiculously happy.

So I share with you all my airing cupboard good tidyings,  and I hope everything jingles beautifully for you this Christmas. And may 2012 bring you the best of all things.

X

 

Category(s): Everyday life
Tag(s):

19 DecWitter and Glitter

2 Comments »

My favourite part of the Strictlyganza final was the group dance. Who knew that Dan Lobb and Rory Bremner had been contestants this year? Edwina hefted on to the floor wearing a dress that was pure Queen Mother and facial expressions that were totally porn star, and Anita emoted all over the place all over again.

Coffin hag Nancy confirmed that she has wide apart knees that would have been so  perfect for the Charleston - had she got far enough into the competition to dance it.

Tess dolled up in a half frock, half shower curtain dress  and Alesha’s number was a Brillo Pads exclusive design.

No surprises on the night: Jason should change his name to Earnest, The Only Way is Chelsee came a worthy second and Harry McFlew through the competiton as the bookie’s certain winner from  week one.

This series I ate a lot of cheese, saw a lot of cheese and loved every minute of it.

Only 300 and something sleeps until next year’s Strictly……….

Category(s): TV critic
Tag(s): , , , , ,

17 DecSparkly!

9 Comments »

Tonight I was sat at the kitchen table  enjoying a mug of tea and a dunked digestive and skimming a slimming magazine  when I heard my name  on the radio.

It was a ’phone-in programme, Iain Dale’s on LBC,   and the topic was favourite books of 2011 – and someone rang in to talk about mine!  It was a nice lady from Chiswick who said ‘Me and Mine’ was her book of the year and even a contender for the best book she’d ever read.

Can time sparkle? I say yes. At least it did for me tonight.

 

 

 

Category(s): Everyday life
Tag(s): , ,

15 DecWhere’s my Housey-Housey?

5 Comments »

My husband was calling Christmas Bingo for the ‘old folk’ , very loudly, yesterday. It’s a voluntary thing he does every year.

He’s home late on Bingo night because after the games  he drops the winners and losers home in a minibus and there’s always a few  that can’t remember where they live.  One lady, who had enjoyed her sherry from a tea mug all afternoon, airily instructed him to just keep driving around North London because she’d definitely recognise her front door when she saw it!

That same woman was the lucky winner of a set of perfumed drawer liners in the raffle. They raised the biggest cackle of the night. “Didn’t need  liners in my day!” said one bingo player, “Never had me drawers on long enough!”

Category(s): Everyday life
Tag(s): , ,

12 DecCheers! See you in A&E!

6 Comments »

‘Mad Friday’ is what NHS staff working in Accident and Emergency call the last Friday before Christmas when 40% of their patients are VERY merry. According to a report from a North West  Health Trust last year’s yuletide loons included:

Two men playing a drinking game in the hospital canteen whilst they wait to see if staff can remove the word ‘Dick’, written in permanent marker,  from their friend’s  forehead.

A wine loaded woman  who hauled  a large frozen turkey into A&E and demanded that staff provide a ‘public service’ and use surgical equipment to carve it for her.

A woman who cut her knickerless bottom on the photocopier at work and was delivered to A&E on all fours on a trolley.

Cheers M’dears!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Category(s): Everyday life, Uncategorized
Tag(s): ,

12 DecA Sofa Swingathon

2 Comments »

So Christalex Bleakjones is out,  the woman deserved a consolation trophy for putting up with bigbrat James Jordan. I wonder which One Show presenter will be strutting her stuff on Strictly 2012?

I think Holly has cement running through her veins, how else could she look so gorgeous and yet dance like a lumberjack? I  hope the producers  manage to get her out of the studio before the next series starts….. that woman is slow.

Jason danced his way into my love zone last night. Seconds into his Argentinian Tango he wasn’t a cringe making desperado any more but a nice guy busting his heart to do well.

And after backing Chelsee as champion in Week One I’m now having a sofa swingathon about who should win.

Category(s): Everyday life
Tag(s): , ,

09 DecA Shrunken Head

6 Comments »

I’ve just had an eye test and disovered that after forty plus years of getting gradually more short sighted  my eyesight has spontaneously improved.

The Optomestrist explained it is because my head is getting smaller.  He predicts that the rest of me will soon start shrinking with age, too.

I am going to celebrate with a cup of tea and a slice of lemon and poppyseed cake.

 

Category(s): Everyday life
Tag(s):

08 DecCrying at Christmas

4 Comments »

Yesterday I had lunch with a friend and we chatted about things worth crying about. On my list I included Gareth Malone’s/ Military Wives Christmas Song and the current John Lewis ad where the cute little boy can’t wait for Christmas morning to GIVE not receive his gift.

I actually teared up just remembering his sweet little face until my friend took a slug of her wine and said “I bet it’s his little sister’s severed head in that box.”

 

Category(s): Everyday life
Tag(s): , ,

07 DecThe Gary Rhodes Delusional Dancer Award 2011

3 Comments »

I’m weary and in  need of a Strictly surprise to get me  excited for the spurt to the finish. It’s all got soooo predictable…..

Maybe Tess could tell Brucie to shut the fook up mid feeble gag - or not gurn for, say, thirty seconds at least? Or Dave Arch and his band could  be not wonderful, just the once?

Robbie came over all born again after being booted out - he has been emoting in TV interviews that, thanks to Strictly, the British public have seen a different side of him. Yes Robbie they have. Your back -side.  He claims he is a better man after the intensive spray tanning, sequins and stripping. With those words Robbie just snatched this year’s Gary Rhodes Delusional Dancer Award  from Edwina Currie.

Alex cannot win just by being very Welsh indeed, boyo.

I reckon the other contestants were even greener than Pasha after his and Chelsee’s jive, which was brilleeeeeeeeeeeeant.

I hope Jason is mainlining Santaogen. He’s going to need that and more to make the final.

 

Category(s): TV critic
Tag(s): , , ,

30 NovDoors to Manual

5 Comments »

This morning I snatched  back a cup of coffee from a washing machine repair man (white three sugars) before he had even started to drink it because I was so very vexed with him. He tried to give me a tutorial on how to close my washing machine door.  I have opened and closed washing machine doors at least eight times a day for the past thirty years. I am an internationallly acclaimed EXPERT on the effective and efficient use of  washing machine doors. He deduced, using the snarl on my face as a big clue, that he had crossed a (washing?) line and protested with “I ain’t being funny or nuffink….!” as I slammed the front door behind him. My New Year’s Resolution is to be more patient. Can’t wait for that.

ps: And Pampas Grass on dispay in your front garden is apparently a wink and a nod to passing Swingers that you are good to go, go, go. I am buying my neighbour some for Christmas. He is a Vicar.

 

Category(s): Everyday life
Tag(s): ,
« Older Entries
Newer Entries »