Tonight I was sat at the kitchen table enjoying a mug of tea and a dunked digestive and skimming a slimming magazine when I heard my name on the radio.
It was a ’phone-in programme, Iain Dale’s on LBC, and the topic was favourite books of 2011 – and someone rang in to talk about mine! It was a nice lady from Chiswick who said ‘Me and Mine’ was her book of the year and even a contender for the best book she’d ever read.
Can time sparkle? I say yes. At least it did for me tonight.
My husband was calling Christmas Bingo for the ‘old folk’ , very loudly, yesterday. It’s a voluntary thing he does every year.
He’s home late on Bingo night because after the games he drops the winners and losers home in a minibus and there’s always a few that can’t remember where they live. One lady, who had enjoyed her sherry from a tea mug all afternoon, airily instructed him to just keep driving around North London because she’d definitely recognise her front door when she saw it!
That same woman was the lucky winner of a set of perfumed drawer liners in the raffle. They raised the biggest cackle of the night. “Didn’t need liners in my day!” said one bingo player, “Never had me drawers on long enough!”
‘Mad Friday’ is what NHS staff working in Accident and Emergency call the last Friday before Christmas when 40% of their patients are VERY merry. According to a report from a North West Health Trust last year’s yuletide loons included:
Two men playing a drinking game in the hospital canteen whilst they wait to see if staff can remove the word ‘Dick’, written in permanent marker, from their friend’s forehead.
A wine loaded woman who hauled a large frozen turkey into A&E and demanded that staff provide a ‘public service’ and use surgical equipment to carve it for her.
A woman who cut her knickerless bottom on the photocopier at work and was delivered to A&E on all fours on a trolley.
Cheers M’dears!
So Christalex Bleakjones is out, the woman deserved a consolation trophy for putting up with bigbrat James Jordan. I wonder which One Show presenter will be strutting her stuff on Strictly 2012?
I think Holly has cement running through her veins, how else could she look so gorgeous and yet dance like a lumberjack? I hope the producers manage to get her out of the studio before the next series starts….. that woman is slow.
Jason danced his way into my love zone last night. Seconds into his Argentinian Tango he wasn’t a cringe making desperado any more but a nice guy busting his heart to do well.
And after backing Chelsee as champion in Week One I’m now having a sofa swingathon about who should win.
I’ve just had an eye test and disovered that after forty plus years of getting gradually more short sighted my eyesight has spontaneously improved.
The Optomestrist explained it is because my head is getting smaller. He predicts that the rest of me will soon start shrinking with age, too.
I am going to celebrate with a cup of tea and a slice of lemon and poppyseed cake.
Yesterday I had lunch with a friend and we chatted about things worth crying about. On my list I included Gareth Malone’s/ Military Wives Christmas Song and the current John Lewis ad where the cute little boy can’t wait for Christmas morning to GIVE not receive his gift.
I actually teared up just remembering his sweet little face until my friend took a slug of her wine and said “I bet it’s his little sister’s severed head in that box.”
I’m weary and in need of a Strictly surprise to get me excited for the spurt to the finish. It’s all got soooo predictable…..
Maybe Tess could tell Brucie to shut the fook up mid feeble gag - or not gurn for, say, thirty seconds at least? Or Dave Arch and his band could be not wonderful, just the once?
Robbie came over all born again after being booted out - he has been emoting in TV interviews that, thanks to Strictly, the British public have seen a different side of him. Yes Robbie they have. Your back -side. He claims he is a better man after the intensive spray tanning, sequins and stripping. With those words Robbie just snatched this year’s Gary Rhodes Delusional Dancer Award from Edwina Currie.
Alex cannot win just by being very Welsh indeed, boyo.
I reckon the other contestants were even greener than Pasha after his and Chelsee’s jive, which was brilleeeeeeeeeeeeant.
I hope Jason is mainlining Santaogen. He’s going to need that and more to make the final.
This morning I snatched back a cup of coffee from a washing machine repair man (white three sugars) before he had even started to drink it because I was so very vexed with him. He tried to give me a tutorial on how to close my washing machine door. I have opened and closed washing machine doors at least eight times a day for the past thirty years. I am an internationallly acclaimed EXPERT on the effective and efficient use of washing machine doors. He deduced, using the snarl on my face as a big clue, that he had crossed a (washing?) line and protested with “I ain’t being funny or nuffink….!” as I slammed the front door behind him. My New Year’s Resolution is to be more patient. Can’t wait for that.
ps: And Pampas Grass on dispay in your front garden is apparently a wink and a nod to passing Swingers that you are good to go, go, go. I am buying my neighbour some for Christmas. He is a Vicar.
Anita could have at least tried to shed a cheesey tear when partner Robin was retired early with Funnyfoot (that’s a complex medical term) and now she’s out of Strictly and probably waiting in at home for delivery of a tanker load of Frizz Ease – there’s Karma for you.
Artem took care of his broken spine by letting Holly roll around on it during the danceathon???
Alex’s partner Captain Big Huff, is too grumpy for his shirt. And pistachio is a shade that died with the Queen Mother, Alex was nutty to wear it. And please don’t hunt me down and kill me James, but I thought your Charleston was lazy.
Robbie Savage reminded me of a Sindy Doll dancing on a trampoline, altogether too much bounce and blonde ponytail. And when he waggles his meat and veg he’s only making it cold and less interesting. Who knew he had pasty boy scout legs?
Harry happened for me this week, not with the dancing but with his tears for his well deserved great scores. And now I’m thinking he and Aliona are more than just dancing partners…Yes? No?
Sigh. I ordered some biker boots that I thought would make me look all Caitlin-Sienna-Moran-Miller-esque, give or take 30 years.
They arrived yesterday and after I broke a sweat pulling them on (they were far too fashionable to have a zip) I dashed into the kitchen to get compliments from my sister and daughter who were in there drinking tea and gossiping. Well not dash so much, those boots were heavy.
My daughter took a long look, “You need to accessorise those” she said, “With a hard hat.” ”And a shovel?” added my sister.
Bye bye biker boots.
