Home Cheap Home?

If you have been wondering where I have got to over the past three weeks I can tell you – I have been everywhere. Well, in every London borough at least.

My daughter, hoping to buy her first home, used a spreadsheet to identify where it’s cheap in London and then hauled me along to do a recce in her chosen hotspots. My other job, other than riding shotgun, was to buy the coffee and muffins.

So after hundreds of miles driving, six parking tickets and nine congestion charge payments I am now in a position to tell you where is cheap to buy in London…….. Ready? Steady? Da Da Da…..NOWHERE.

In London and surrounds even the cheap flats aren’t, and other than learning that sad news we have discovered that this city is stuffed with fruitloops selling their properties.

There was a man who showed us around his poxy flat wearing only his boxers and holding a bottle of baby oil. There was a chap who french kissed his Siamese cat for our delectation and delight and a woman who got her chichuaua to pee on command into a milk saucepan.

We’ve been in bedrooms that reeked of rubber, kitchens where cockroaches where having a party on the gas hob and seen knock offs of Tracey Emins unmade bed everywhere from Enfield to Earlsfield.

The search goes on….

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