Kiss Me ?


I went to see Dirty Rotten Scoundrels at the Savoy Theatre last night. I think it was good, but got so distracted by the couple in front of me swapping saliva that I’m not sure.

How is it possible to snog for one hour and forty five minutes solid? AND they were thirty-somethings, judging by the fine lines around her eyes, his receding hairline and their high end office attire.

The woman had quite a short tongue and the man an especially deep ear canal.  But still, by pressing her face against the side of his head,  she managed to get deep down in there and give his eardrum a good licking. Plus they were noisy – oooing, aaaahing  and oooohing.

I complained about them to my husband in the interval and he said I was a misery gut, adding “Ahhh, It’s sweet, they’re  in love!”

I asked him whether we were in love. He nervously swallowed a big scoopful of his honey and ginger £5 a tub ice cream  and said  “Of course” . So I puckered up, leant in and said “Let’s get to it, then” but he refused – saying in a very righteous tone that a packed theatre was no place for tonsil tennis.

And surprise surprise, deep ears and short tongue didn’t return for the second half. My guess is that they didn’t go to  get an ice cream, they got a room.



6 comments to Kiss Me ?

  • They sound like a right pair of dirty rotten scoundrels. Although his ear was probably quite clean after all that tongue-swirling.

  • Glenda Willis

    Does it take you back to your youth? I don’think I was that bad! xxx

  • Mike

    Almost certainly they were having a secret office-affair, Anna. Married couples don’t need to demonstrate that they have a partner. Only the terminally desperate need to indulge in pre-shag activities in public – either because they are desperate to let the world know that they are capable of capturing a mate, or because they don’t have a home in which they can spoon, and drool, and “Mister Snugglums” and “Fluffy Bunnykins” each other.

  • Karen, I wonder if she swallowed his earwax?

    Glenda, I can’t remember a million years ago…..

    Mike, then they should occupy the office stationery cupboard – with a peephole if they want an audience ,instead of being in one. At £30 a ticket the theatre is one expensive snog.

  • Oh how repellent – I hope he had cleaned his ears beforehand. Very jealous of you seeing Robert Lindsay though – I had tickets for the pre west end run in Aylesbury. Sadly, just before we’re about to set off for the evening performance, I realised I’d bought tickets for the matinee in error:( A very expensive and disappointing mistake!

  • Anna May

    Oh Jane, how unlucky! To make you feel even worse he was very good. Sorry about that…..

    Anna May x