Ellen,Effigies and Peplums

So I sat up for the Oscars even though my eyelids frequently objected and tried to disobey me and close for the night –  especially when the Sky coverage flipped back to the studio in London where Emilia Fox, Ben Miller and Boyd Hilton were sat like three effigies on a couch. If  they had been hired not to be insightful. lively and entertaining then they did a terrific job.

In Hollywood I was surprised by how many seasoned actors muffed their presenter roles. There was more fluff on stage than in my belly button. And my belly button is deep. Sweaty upper lips, speed-talking Pinky and Perky style and freestyling with the pronunciation of names was the order of the night.  John Travolta, who looked like Herman from the Munsters, renamed Idina Menzel live on stage, introducing her as Adele Dazeem, Maybe that’s her scientology name?

‘Nood’ should be banned as a frock shade of non-choice . It should be compulsory to  razzle dazzle the  pj wearing viewers with a lot of colour. Do it like Lupita  Nyong’o. Her dress was a burst of joy in the proceedings, although if my late mother was watching she would have warned Lupita about the bronchial  dangers of not keeping her chest warm.

And what is it with peplums? They make women with big bellies and bums look like Jabba the Hut and  small waisted and teeny assed women look like, who knows because you can’t get a look at what lies beneath.

Liza-with-an-eek Minnelli looked alarming in a blue nylon trouser suit that needed to be accessorised with  it’s own fire extinguisher. Her sister Lorna Luft was wafting around with a piece of timber up her frock. If kitchen tables could walk Lorna is what they’d look like.

Mathew McConaughey’s wife came as the Queen of the 3,457th most important country in the world in a bridesmaid pink gown with a natty  built in cape.

Ellen was a laugh and a half all night and proved that  a big smile and a great personality work a lot better than surgery and/or botox when it comes to looking good.



1 comment to Ellen,Effigies and Peplums

  • I’ve never understood the attractions of the peplum either, it disguises nothing and enhances everything you don’t want enhancing.

    Liza Minelli looked truly frightening, but I love Ellen – it was worth watching just for her 🙂