Strictly Fainting, Gussetts and No Crackers

 

All the contestants are desperate to make it to the Tower Ballroom next week but frankly I don’t give a damn because viewing Strictly from Blackpool is like watching two ants dance on a dinner plate.

What Lies Beneath? Not the film, but Ben Cohen. Objectifying him was last night’s Strictly treat as I was, for one week only, cheese and crackerless.

Fiona and Anton’s Paso Doble was as exciting as a soft boiled egg without soldiers. They are such polite dancers.  Anton lost interest by the end of the routine and forgot his steps. They bring out the goldfish in me. Each week  I sit wondering if I have already seen them dance.

Abiash’s Charleston was great, so why don’t I care? It could be because I have seen so much of Abbey’s tongue this series. She does cheeky, nervous, pretend modest, excited and ain’t I cute with her tongue. It’s a perfectly acceptable tongue  but is really  starting to irritate me.

Mark looked like a halloween leftover and did yet another dance where he didn’t move around the  floor. Yvetta danced a ‘101 ways to admire my gussett’ routine to try and distract  from the fact that her partner’s legs were  superglued to the floor and he was doing an octopus impression with his arms. Marks dances like a man who is afraid to break sweat.

Susanna and Kevinfromthatboycanwaltz made me want to be right there in his arms on the dance floor in a feather trimmed frock. Their waltz was enough to make Vanessa Feltz weep. With envy.

Dave and Karen’s tango had all the makings of a last dance. I predict he  walking far less than 500 miles tonight…. to the nearest exit. Not only did Dave crucify the routine but he also answered back to the judges. All he had was his charm, and he jettisoned that tonight.

Strictly Shocking! Natalie’s in a wheelchair! And it wasn’t sequinned! She will probably release a statement saying she is working very hard to get well and hope she gets it right.

Ashley and Ola’s quickstep was fast and fun

Sophie EB has beautiful young limbs but still it looked as if Brendan was dancing with a store mannequin. That gorgeous girl is a study in disappointment. Maybe Brendan  could give her a good tickle before she hits the dance floor to rev her up?

Patrick and Anya’s American Smooth had more chucks than lifts. Good job Patrick’s an actor and not  fireman as I wouldn’t want him to fling me over his shoulder atop a high ladder. I did wonder why he didn’t ask Anya if she was alright at the end of their dance after the gal had just flipped, flopped and free-falled over his shoulder.

Could we get Natalie to kiss Brucie and transfer a few germs so he misses a week, too? Liberation from Bruce cheers Tess up no end, and things zip along so much faster when it is just her and Claudia.

 

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6 comments to Strictly Fainting, Gussetts and No Crackers

  • Diddy

    wot no cheese? plenty on screen though

  • Verns

    I love Kevininballroommode and am warming to Susannah – absolutely adored that waltz.

    Can your medical daughters confirm the latest diagnosis-by-internet that the epidural injections Natalie has been taking to deal with her back problems may have caused low blood pressure, hence the fainting? The show was the worse for her absence, methinks.

  • Glenda Willis

    I will never warm to Natalie and even turn on to ITV when she is on the Morning show on BBC.

    As for Natalie, I saw her in a play on TV yesterday afternoon and she played the part very convincingly. Perhaps whe will convince us all to vote for her or perhaps not. It is Patrick for me for the winner. xx

  • Glenda Willis

    I made a mistake with the names in my afore-mentioned comment. I should have said that ‘I turn the tv channel to ITV when Susanna Reid comes on BBC Breakfast’.

    Also the Natalie is Natalie Gumede and who could like her as she was so cruel to Tyrone in Corrie.

    I still think Patrick will win.

    xx

  • I definitely relax more when Bruce isn’t there, and feel in safe hands with Claudia – pity she and Tess can’t take over permanently. I still like Patrick, I’m glad Dave went, and I totally agree that there’s something very annoying about Abbey Clancy even though she can dance.

  • Diddy, Yes cheese but later in the evening. Cornish Crackler Cheddar on a Matzo if you must know.

    Verns, the verdict from the docs is that after a week or more an epidural would be unlikely still to cause low blood pressure. My diagnosis? Being an actress was the ’cause’ of her faint.

    Glenda, I share the Patrick love even though I am late to the party.

    Karen,another woo hoo for Patrick! Dave wore out his welcome and it was def his time to leave. If only Bruce would do the same….

    Anna May x

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