A Pong Story

I was sick into my lap as I drove my car this afternoon.

Mr Anna May, who can’t drive at the moment since his hip replacement surgery, was helpful and held a carrier bag under my chin. But it was tricky because he was retching himself. And the carrier bag had holes in it.

The […]

Oven Hot Gossip

Higella? Cocaine? And I thought she was always wrist deep in icing sugar.

But it must be true because her ex husband said so. The same bloke who described gripping Nigella by the throat and sticking his finger up her nostril as being part of a ‘playful tiff’.

Coming soon …. Saatchi’s Mary Berry revelation […]

Grumpy, Snappy, Moany and Groany

Did the Strictly judges find out they were getting a pay cut just before tonight’s show? They were proper sour, the lot of them.

Last week they were chucking tens about and this week they gave the contestants a collective slap in the spray tanned chops.

Susanna was called ‘mumsy’ by Craig. She’s got three […]


I am very worried about my walk-five-hundred-miles-husband who last week had hip replacement surgery and is housebound for the first time in his life.

He has developed an addiction.

Not to the strong painkillers he has been prescribed ….but to ITV2’s morning show ‘The Real Housewives of New York’.


Honey Who Shrunk the Ballroom?

Honey – who shrunk the ballroom? Last year it was big enough to give an agoraphobic palpitations.

And Stranger Danger! Who were the randomers wafting and wiggling through this week’s dances? Without as much as an introduction.

Sophie’s quickstep was cute, but I don’t think she quite gets that she is in a competition.

Shakin’ […]

Strictly Fainting, Gussetts and No Crackers


All the contestants are desperate to make it to the Tower Ballroom next week but frankly I don’t give a damn because viewing Strictly from Blackpool is like watching two ants dance on a dinner plate.

What Lies Beneath? Not the film, but Ben Cohen. Objectifying him was last night’s Strictly treat as I […]

The Ug Lis


A bloke in China has divorced and sued his wife because she produced 3 ugly children. They were so hideous he DNA tested his two sons and daughter to be sure they were half his. They were.

I so wish their surname was Ug Li, but it isn’t.

Nevertheless, he won the court case […]

Strictly Spooky

It was spookylicious on Strictly tonight , and my sofa snack was an eyeball dipped in snot. Yes, I have been busy baking.

Patrick has perked up much, and I am liking his smiley wiley work these days.

Fiona has a gripper in her knickers that is keeping her dancing dial stuck on sickly sweet […]