I fancied a water feature in the garden and told Mr Anna May. He got all excited because a DIY job to start and never finish is right up his shed.
My briefing was thorough – it had to be tasteful, small, spherical, quiet and sunlight catching – and there would be severe penalties (bad but not Charles Saatchi bad) if he under spent. This particular dictate was because the man likes to shop in rubbish skips.
He has been working undercover for weeks and today the dust sheet was removed in a TRA-LA! moment.
Cava had been poured and there were olives on the garden table. And mini packs of Maltesers. He was clearly expecting hoorahs and thanks.
When he did the big reveal I let out a shriek that was so high pitched every dog in the postcode was alerted to the fact that I was VERY unhappy.
The water feature is the product of a sick,untidy, freegan mind.
He’d skip surfed to find the centre piece of the fountain – a builder’s bucket – and kitted it out with a solar spray hose. A stone cherub (without a head) also from a skip presides over it. Creating an arc around the entire thing was a pair of stag antlers that Mr Anna May bought for a £1 in a junk shop years ago. And super-glued to the top of the antlers was a stuffed sparrow (RIP).
I told him to dig it all up and prepare the ground for a burial……