Hanging Loose

This evening, in a falsetto shout,  I threatened to set fire to our back room curtains. This is because I hate the way they slide off the rail at the end every time I draw them open or shut.

Mr Anna May is the chief curtain track fixer and hanger in our house and he hasn’t improved at the task in 35,  perilous overhead, years.

The first pair he put up as a newlywed fell down, and the latest ones do the same. He says it doesn’t matter and that curtains  bore him.

If I complain about the calamitous state of our curtains my husband plays jeopardy music on his tin whistle and drowns me out. When he does that I have the urge to speed hammer the tin whistle into his belly button.

In my bedroom twice a day I am hit on the head by a  knob. This is because said knob is not properly screwed to the end of the curtain pole so drops off each time I open or close the curtains.

I have become quite adept at dodging the knob and must look nifty as I am doing it because a chap whose garden backs on to ours  enquired, at a recent neighbourhood watch meeting, whether I was a breakdancer.

I know if I want a job done properly I should do it myself but I would get greater satisfaction from not having to do the frickin’ job myself and still getting it done properly.

Blinds might be easier, I know, but I am blind-averse since my dog  got his head stuck in a friend’s venetian and ended up pulling it off the window and running around her front room wearing it and smashing up her artfully displayed Wedgewood collection.

We haven’t really made up since that episode. I think it might be because I sent Mr Anna May around to repair the damage.


6 comments to Hanging Loose

  • Glenda Willis

    Helpful hint – wrap a bit of kitchen roll around the pole and slide it into the knob and voila – it should never fall off unless you want it off. xx (If it does, stuff a bit more paper in in.)

    Glad to have you back after such a long break. I hope you and Mr Anna May had a great holiday. xx

  • This totally taps into various curtain calamaties we’re having here at the moment, which I won’t bore you with. Knob-dodging is the least of it. Safe to say, I’d be happy never to see a curtain pole ever again. *sobs*

  • Joanne

    Hi Anna May, I have the perfect solution – super glue! That’s assuming you never want to change your curtains. Tippex is another useful DIY tool. I use it on grout and any other white surface that needs a bit of sprucing up.

  • Ah, I know how you feel about those jobs that never get done, Anna May! In the end it becomes a battle of silent wills. In my case as each year passes without the plinth underneath the kitchen cabinets/utility cabinets being fixed in place so they don’t repeatedly fall down I make a note of the mental cruelty inflicted on me…

  • Glenda Willis

    Jane – you should never be reliant upon a man to do it. Just pull off the handles and sides of his drawers, cut off his shirt and jacket buttons, jam his trouser zips etc, etc, etc, so as he knows what it feels like.

  • Glenda – nothing works with my husband unless it’s a promise of sexual favours. And I’m not prepared to bargain for a kitchen plinth:)) A woman has to have some principles!