Strictly a Mystery

It was a splat kind of week for Strictly, mostly because I didn’t have tickets to see it live again and relive the best Saturday night out I have ever had.

At least half the performances had no visual clues as to what the theme was, or even what the dance was. All very mysterious. For example Sid Own looked like he’s popped along to Asda for a pirate outfit and then marched around the floor in a poor man’s Johnny Depp impersonation along with Ola, who was styled like a bluebottle. That was a tango?

Fern was  Great Aunt Lumber again. I swear Artem will put her in a bath chair and a shawl next week. She keeps insisting she is having fun, which is probably as true as her claim that she lost weight through diet and exercise alone.

The ‘An Officer and a Bag of Spuds’ routine had it all. Ripped skirts, big knickers and Victoria Trembleton looking like she was dancing on ice. It had all the ingredients of a Strictly classic if only she hadn’t sympathy cried – AGAIN. But then Victoria could stand next to the wonderfuldavearchandhis band and simply sway on the spot and Len would still give her the best marks of the night – because she’s his favourite.

Michael Vaughan did a great job setting his massive itch to music. And it’s Monday afternoon – has Jerry Hall, who speaks, dances and oozes veeeeerrrrrryyyyyy slowly, finished her farewell speech yet? Red satin is a dangerous fabric because it made even the divine Ms Hall’s middle look lumpy.

Denise Van Outen is a great dancer but an even better actress – all that yadayadaeversoumble stuff about working so hard and pretending to be scared of James is excruciating. She’s in a dodgy spot – she can’t win if she’s too good but won’t win if she’s bad.

All could think about in Colin and Kristina’s dance was where her knickers were and how could a polo neck be so revealing?

Richard Arnold  keeps interrupting the judges to be not funny, and needs to stop pawing Erin or I will fast forward him. I will.

And Vincent and Tracey’s dance was like a sleeping potion. I had a Wizard of Oz no place like home inspired snooze when they were dancing. Two ice cubes in glass have more chemistry than that pair. Even the dog snapped at Vincent for being so dull.

And Lewis and Flavia – I know she is a true purrfessional but anyone see the early signs of some horizontal dancing for them?

ps: My cheese of choice was Somerset Brie on a pear not a cracker (less fatty boom boom) and Fern’s smile.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6 comments to Strictly a Mystery

  • Diddy

    brie on an apple does it for me

  • Julie

    They all look a bit constipated when they dance at the mo. Jerry Hall looked so shocked to be voted out – not sure how she didn’t see that coming given she manages to dance in slow motion – actually, that’s quite a skill.

  • Glenda Willis

    No Comment!!!

    How can I compete with you this week. Ab Fab again Anna May.

    I try to avoid cheese but the one with cranberries wins me over.

  • Blue cheese Laughing Cow piped in a rosette on a pickled onion.

    Denise has the moves and no longer has to play up the ladette aspect. Doesn’t make her emotinally involving however.

    Mme D’arcy keeps choking on her suppressed “”you know?”s and “yah?”s. She does look uncannily like a syncho-swimmer, doesn’t she?

    And Erin just oozes class – all the others can and may flash all the flesh they want too, they will never look half as sophisticated. The GLW now summons me from the back room where I am busy playing Internet backgammon with cries of “C’mon Mike, your girlfriend is on telly”. I should be so foxtrotting lucky.

  • I so agree about Denise, with her ‘pretending to struggle’ act – what a joke! In fact I agree with all your observations (only not so wittily). The only person I really like watching at the mo is Mandy Dingle – never thought I’d be writing those words down.

  • Glenda Willis

    I am watching MY underlined MY Ian Waite at the moment on catchup as I missed him yesterday. Please don’t disturb me for 30 minutes. xx