His Royal Hairiness-less

My husband is being presented to the Queen today. He dropped this royal gem into the conversation over his porridge and prunes this morning.

I had my suspicions he was meeting another woman because he got up early to trim the hair that grows horizontally out of his ears and vertically from his nose, and […]

Guff and Gussets

I went to the cinema to see The Judy Dench Show The Not Best Exotic Marigold Hackneyed Waste of Two Hours You’ll Never Get Back Formulaic Hotel yesterday. I was sat in front of a group of bus pass holders who smelt of gin and laughed long and hard at the occasional sex and drug […]

Scream and Shout

I screamed for my life in bed at 4am this morning. The force of my yell made the hair on my husband’s back sway – yet still he claims he didn’t hear a thing.

The reason I screamed out ? Our highly trained and intelligent dog, by some distance the best behaved and most intelligent […]

Eyes Wide Shut

I went to the cinema to see The Woman in Black but never actually saw the woman in black because I had my eyes closed for 95% of the time.

Scary films freak me out and I NEVER watch them but I know one of the child actors in the film. Her late and much […]

Oats and Oprah

My husband doesn’t know who Oprah Winfrey is.

I know this for sure because at breakfast today he asked me if we were going to the opera. I tried opera once, and it hurt my sinuses. I said no way and asked him where that question came from when he was clearly busy with his […]

On Top of the World! (Sort Of)

I have won the Joy Lottery today with two magic numbers – my book ‘Me and Mine’ is currently at Number 2 in the Irish Bestseller List and Number 31 in the UK.

Hearing that news was like getting an electric shock – and has made my hair curlier and my laugh maniacal.

Lenny and John Lewis and Darth Vadar

Been a dash of a week. I’ve been very cultural starting with Comedy of Errors at The National Theatre. Lenny Henry was a big surprise – he was a no yelping zone, and I forgot all about his recent ropey hotel TV ads.

Next night out was at a theatre in Sloane Square, which is […]