Silly Billy

I didn’t get a even a half decent frock, shoe or jewellery hit from The Oscars last night because so many of my favourites only appeared in the ‘Popped Off This Year’ tribute.

Talking of corpses – what has Billy Crystal done to his face? It looked steamrollered. As a compere he did a good job of convincing the audience that he’s funny without actually being funny. Funny that.

Brangelina won the award for the squarest jawed couple of the evening. Angelina made me spit my brandy laced Horlicks some distance when she positioned herself centre stage and did a Jake the Peg move that showed the world just how cute she is when she opens her legs and pouts. I bet Jennifer Aniston enjoyed that.

George Clooney’s girlfriend was wearing a gold got-him dress by Smug. Her hair and makeup were also by Smug.

When I saw Michelle Williams I thought Denise Welch had gatecrashed The Oscars, it was a real separated at birth from a vodka bottle moment. Natalie Portman spooks me out.

Gywnnie’s white cape was bonkers but I fear it wasn’t in keeping with her busy working mum persona. Was that outfit washable at 30 degrees ? If it wasn’t it hints that Gwynnie is actually more of a multi millionaire with minions Mum

Sandra Bullock who I so want to love turned up in a dress that was Big Fat Momma on top and and size 2 on the bottom. Camerson Diaz proved how unseasonally chilly it was on the red carpet with her Malteser sized nipples. Viola Davis was robbed – that Oscar should have been hers – but at least her cups runnethed over.The same couldn’t be said for Rooney Marr’s puppy dog ear cleveage in a Givenchy petticoat dress.

There were a lot of actresses who looked like they were being eaten alive by their dresses; Emma Stone, Melissa McCarthy and Glenn Close – all guilty as charged.

Cirque de Soleil cheered me up a little bit but I was a very dejected stargazer who went to sleep at dawn not, with a smile but wearing a glum Victoria Beckham face. It’s a long 364 day wait for next year and to keep the hope of being dazzled on Oscars night alive.

8 comments to Silly Billy

  • Julie

    so much money, so little taste! However, Smuglet’s (Gorgeous George’s girlfriend) gold dress was totally amazing. I would love to be at the OSCARS for the gawpfest that it is. Sounds like you were up wth the stars watching it. I’d like to do the commentary just once on the outfits. Bill Crystal’s hair looked like roadkill. I loved The Help so was so pleased Octavia whatshername won and i liked her dress.

  • Interesting fact. George Clooney’s gf used to be a lady wrestler.

  • sarah davis

    I couldnt keep awake long enough to see it. I saw the pictures in the newspapers Branangelina’s face looked very porcelain like ( as in a scary china doll!) and her thin limbs!
    But delighted for the artist ( Jean is sooo handsome)
    Sarah x

  • I’m never going to think of nipples in quite the same way. Or Maltesers, in fact.

  • Anna May

    Julie, The Oscars is the best ever all-nighter!

    Mike, if that’s what he likes I could learn to wrestle…..

    Sarah, Jean doesn’t do it for me AT ALL. Irrational I know, but I think he looks smelly!

    Fran, no real harm done as you can eat fudge instead!

    Anna May x

  • Pauline

    I’m amazed that the female slebs turn up for the red carpet at all, considering that what we plebs like most is mocking their appalling dress choices. Didn’t George Clooney’s girlfriend come in fancy dress as an Oscar statuette? But thanks are due to Angelina Jolie’s leg for being a joke that ran for days – you could say her leg had legs.

  • Still loving your book. You draw the characters so convincingly – they really do step off the page.

  • Hi Pauline, joking aside there was something kamikaze about Angelina whipping her leg out – she’s the biggest female star in the world and until the leg cock incident was all about mystique….

    Fran, thank you but you’ll have to comment again when you’ve finished it, or else I’ll be worried you went off it at the end,

    Anna May x