I got involved in chicken wars last night.
As a vegetarian chicken-slut I prefer to buy them ready cooked for my carnivore family. Last night in Costco I was at the head of a queue of sixteen people for the last sixteen chickens of the day that were still roasting. I waited 20 minutes for my tender, tasty, (so I’m told) bird.
When they were cooked the staff member boxed them and started sliding the chickens along the counter. I assumed the etiquette would be one chicken per queuer – all very British and with no opportunity for fowl play.
An elderly Chinese lady appeared from nowhere and shouted something that sounded like “HeeeeHaaaaa!” She bowled through us to the front of the line, seized three boxes and dashed off.
When our collective amazement wore off (2 seconds later) as one the entire sixteen strong queue surged forward to do battle for the remaining thirteen chickens.
Vegetarians eat a lot of legumes, we are strong, and I am pleased but not surprised to announce that I managed to secure a hot chicken.
When I met up with my husband at the tills – he was easy to recognise because he was the one in the Ugg Boot hat and shorts – I told him what I had been through to acquire my £2.99 chicken. He immediately seized it from the trolley, held it high and shouted, “Anyone want a hot bird for a fiver?”
There were no takers. Should I be offended?