MasterMoans

I’d never seen Masterchef until this week and now I’m hungggrrrry for it.

I fast forward through all the cooking and crying and crises to the tasting bit when Greg Wallace (he’s got a head that looks like it’s been peeled) and John Torrode put a food loaded fork into their exceptionally large gobs and, […]

Gym-uary

I have an induction at a gym next week. Well it is Gym-uary so I thought I’d give it a go.

Today I got a call from the receptionist to check that I planned to turn up. She told me to come ready and dressed to do exercise. She didn’t wait for me to answer […]

PINS in My Eyes – Not

My PIN number is a secret. Even from me.

My bank has responded to my request for a PIN number three times in a row. I’ve followed their instructions in the envelope with precision. I get my implements ready to scratch and expose the number – a rubber, a coin, a flat surface.

After I […]

The Naughty Bench

I realised I had left my purse at home after the cashier had totalled my trolley load of shopping last night. I summoned the cavalry (my husband on his pushbike bearing my debit card) and promised her I would pay in 15 minutes.

Satisfied but not at all smiley she used her thumb to direct […]

Scared and Shoes and Globes

It’s 2am and I can’t sleep because I am still freaked after reading Michelle Paver’s petrifyingly pee-inducing book ‘Dark Matter’ – but tonight it doesn’t ‘matter’ all because the Golden Globes are on TV……. and they have a STILETTO CAM on the red carpet!!! Yes they bloody well do! Wake up all of you and […]

Nasty Nick on Countdown

The best new horror show of 2012 is Countdown, now compered by Nick Hewer of The Apprentice.

He is frequently lost for words – on Countdown! – and his pet get out of trouble phrases are “Gooooooood” and “Very gooooooooood.” His embarrassment is bad for my rosacea, I am suffering along with him every afternoon.

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Happy New Hat!

 

This Christmas my three daughters got new Uggs. Those boots were made for flying – they came to London from Australia via Boston USA. This is because my son, who is a frequent traveller there for business, bought them for £120 per pair less than they cost here. What an Ugging rip off for […]