Strictly Mash Up

Nobody should have put Baby in Strictly’s judging panel.  Jennifer Grey’s marks were preposterously high and she hollered them out each time. I know she was speaking a different language – Hollywood – but still,  there was no need to shout.

So Lulu is a goner but because she can’t seem to remember anything, especially her dance steps, she will probably turn up for next week’s show anyway.

Jason’s Rumba was a Slumba.

Robbie’s Waltz was a rise and fall study in constipation.

Russell’s Polka-Paso was his audition for panto 2012, and  I predict guylashes will be joining Russell’s guyliner sometime soon.

Last week’s loser Nancy DeWobblio  is threatening to sue Alesha for her critical judging comments. I’m hoping Professor Henry Higgins QC will be prosecuting Alesha, not for what she said about Nancy looking like a navvy but for her weekly flagrant abuse of the English language when she blurts to one or more contestants,  “You was amazing!”

And my brain is so telly mashed I am convinced that The Magnificent Dave Arch is a direct descendant of Anna and Bates from Downton Abbey, there’s a strong family similarity there don’t you think?

And I have advice for Kitty on the X Factor (yes  it’s been a telly heavy weekend) STOP singing in your knickers if you want more votes.



8 comments to Strictly Mash Up

  • That Jennifer! Bring back Len, all is forgiven I say. Her scores were meaningless. I didn’t think much of Jason’s rumba either, except that it was pretty good for a male celeb – they’re usually eyewateringly embarrassing, and it wasn’t. So long as Jason, Harry, Holly and Chelsee (?) make it to the last ones standing I’m not sure I care…
    With Julian Fellowes plotting anything is possible – the sick/death-room scenes had us in fits of giggles in this house!

  • Pauline

    Ha! I was trying to work out what that expression on Robbie’s face was. Pretty dire week all round, methought, despite my being a Strictly Sooper-fan. This week’s limerick, in honour of our American guest:

    Who’d have thought it? I really missed Len, me old mate.
    Was he pickling his walnuts? Did he have a hot date?
    Instead, what we got
    Was a plastic robot
    Who was programmed, on loop, to mark every dance ‘EIGHT!’

  • Anna May

    Hello Hausfrau,
    Lady Cora’s ketchup covered nose had me gagging!
    And Strictly was all a bit dozy this wek after last Saturday’s crotch grabbing antics.

    Pauline, Yay Girlfriend! You Go Girl! That’s American for I enjoyed your ditty very much indeed, in particular the refernce to pickled walnuts. And will all the judges be getting holiday entitlement this season do you think?

    Anna May x

  • sarah

    I cannot believe that very loud Jennifer was once engaged to the divine Johnny Depp

  • Anna May

    Sarah, WHAT????? BABY AND JOHNNY DEPP?????? REALLY?????? x

  • Ginny Willis

    Toss Daily!!

  • Ginny Willis

    A bit late to comment on last Saturday’s show but I have been very busy.

    My pervious comment of ‘Toss Daily’ was interrupted bu unexpected visitors. Here follows the full version……..

    Tess’s tresses were lank and dank. Even more her dress had shrunk nearly up to her crutch. Also it looked at if it had been put into a coloured was and all the colours had run. She is far too old to showing so much leg!

    Please casting director, toss daly and please oh please give the Saturday job to Ian Waite.

  • Anna May

    Ginny, I was baffled and shocked by your toss daily comment – thank you for elaborating!!!!!!!
    I heart Ian, too.

    Anna May x