Losing It


Last night I accompanied my husband to an awards event – he had been nominated for a prize and did not win. I am a bad corporate wife because:

a) I have a maniacal competitive streak and  was not in the least happy for the winner, although I pretended very well to be, of course. As I applauded I was in fact imagining how much fun it would be to dismember him. No, no,  too extreme -it was a local not national award- so downgrade that to running him over. Twice.

b) I have special needs when it comes to small talk. A crystal paperweight, one that all present agreed  looked just like a doorknob, was presented to everyone who won an award. After the ceremony we were milling around and I was introduced to a lucky winner.   He was a suited and bespectacled elderly man holding a very fancy sateen box that contained his piece of crystal. A small gap in the conversation occurred and I felt obliged to leap in and fill it. WHY do I do that?

I pointed at his box and said, “Oh please, do show me your knob?”


7 comments to Losing It

  • Probably made his day! Dismembering is a bit gory for my taste – I’m more of a wax doll and pins, or visualising suppurating sores in uncomfortable places sort of girl. Very cathartic.

  • Julie

    your experience reminds me of the close up shots of the losing Oscar nominees as they’ve been told to smile and politely clap when secretly they must want to wrestle the award off the winner as they slap them – nice to know you were gracious in defeat!

    The man with the award should be ok after his therapy.

  • Ginny Willis

    Why would you want to look at an old man’s knob!!!

    Seriously though, what was the award for and why did your husband not win it?

  • sarah davis

    Hi Anna May
    what did he say to that!
    have a great weekend X

  • At least you didn’t ask to stroke it. Did you?

    (Have started reading your book. It’s fab. My husband got to it before I could and read it over 3 nights!)

  • Wonderful! If only we were all so talented linguistically! (I’m afraid I don’t know how to spell that last…)

  • Anna May

    Hi Anny P, suppurating sores? Does that make you a sore loser?

    Julie, Oh how I long for my Oscar night marathon……

    Ginny, don’t be ageist!

    Karen, no I only wanted an innocent look. Thanks for buying the book and your compliments, much appreciated.

    Hausfrau – linguistically? What’s pasta got to do with this?

    Anna May x