I Heart Eldika

I have had a cleaner for the last four weeks. Her name is Eldika. She is a present from my son, who has been temporarily between flats and staying with us – but when he leaves next weekend he  will be taking her along with him. It’s a bit of a pity my son is leaving…… but it’s a crying shame that Eldika has got to go, too.

I am distraught. She was never mine to keep but in four short weeks I have come to love this woman with a passion. She cleans my light switches and the four corners (up and down) of my porch. She ungunks our electric toothbrushes where the head fits the body. She hoovers the shoulders of the clothes hanging in our wardrobes and makes a little origami arrow head from the dangly sheet of loo paper.

My husband is also distraught. But for different reasons. He thinks he is married to  a class traitor for revelling in another woman  doing ‘my’ (he means ‘our’) menial work. By loving Eldika so very much I am apparently being unfaithful to my feminist and socialist principles. Of course there has been no mention of the fact that I have been doing  housework highly unpaid for three decades. The last time he was this upset when when he found my secret stash of cleaning wipes. Wipes are the root of all evil dontchaknow?

Eldika is certainly  the Goddess of Mops and Buckets, but at times treats my housework with the same contempt as I do. She wastes a lot of time photographing  our dog with her mobile, watches  £10 worth of QVC as she plumps cushions in slow motion for the best part of an hour,  and her rider is two packets of what she calls ‘King Charlie biscuits’  per visit. Duchy Originals she means.

And I take it as a huge compliment that she loves my new Bobbi Brown lipstick and Prada Infusion D’Iris perfume so much that she never leaves my house without  a generous application of both.

But I can forgive her anything because she drags out the fluff from beneath the radiators and smiles as she’s doing it. That’s special.

Is it really better to have loved and lost?




3 comments to I Heart Eldika

  • Oh you lucky girl – how I would love an Eldika! Although bits of our house are so crusty I wonder if even she could clean it!

  • Although, theoretically, I like the idea of a cleaner I’d be so embarrassed about the total mess in my house I’d probably end up tidying up before the cleaner arrived – which would sort of the defeat the purpose! It would be nice if there was someone to clean all those nooks, crannies and light switches though…in fact it would be nice if there was someone to just clean all of it really:))

    Does she really wear your lipstick? I would be mortified at that – I’m surprised you didn’t make her wear it somewhere else as well. I would!.

  • Anna May

    Hi Ross, only short term lucky because now she’s gone – SOB – and now I hate housework even more!

    Hello Jane, Eldika could have worn my knickers as long as I didn’t have to do my own cleaning…..

    Anna May x