Sweet as Pumpkin Pie?

I’ve had three Trick or Treating knocks at the door tonight.

The first was a seventy year old man saying that if I didn’t give him a can of beer he would pee in my porch.

The second was two Vicki Pollards (sixth formers I reckon) who were fully face loaded with neon makeup and […]

Strictly Spooky and Stilton

Alesha was wrapped in a blanket on last night’s Strictly – I just hope it’s a travel blanket and that she is going far, far away very soon. She’s devaluing a 10 score so frequently I think the producers should introduce a 10* for the remainder of this series.

Russell danced first this week and […]

Pinkies,Vegetable Balls and Forefathers

I think I must be proper posh. I put my hand into my top oven yesterday to retrieve an M&S vegetable ball I was heating up for lunch and I crooked up my little finger as I did so. You know, the way they do it in Downton Abbey when they are taking tea?

My […]

Strictly Frizz

Tess’s dress last night looked it came from a curtain warehouse, and does that woman get paid a salary or is she on commission for every gurny face – kindly, sympatico amazed, amused,surprised, emabrarrassed – she pulls during the live broadcast?

Let me tell you a Strictly secret. Anita Dobson is 62. Yes she is […]

Overdressed

My husband left the house this morning wearing a vest, a Helly Hansen polo necked top, a Helly Hansen not polo necked top, two t shirts, a checked shirt, a good shirt, a fleece, a gilet and a waterproof jacket. He was also wearing a pair of walking boots with four pairs of socks on […]

Strictly Smiling

This week in Strictly there was a lot of smiling to music as a substitute for actually dancing. Not at all surprised Dan Whoeverhewas was voted off – he was the worst cultprit for mixing up beaming with boogying.

The camera caught Alesha Dixon checking herself in the monitor several times during both Saturday and […]

Internal Affairs

I had a lovely squeeze of an eight day old baby girl yesterday. She looked and smelt divine and did a little cooing sound that made me feel like my ears were being kissed.

When my four babies hit the week old mark that was the appointed time when the waters behind my eyes broke […]

Contrary Mary

Mary PertAss yesterday branded the UK’s women politicians as ‘ugly’ and thinks they could do with a makeover.

They could do with a give over Mary, actually. Women in politics (bar Dianne Abbott who needs running over not a makeover) have demanding, hard won and important jobs in public service. Real jobs that don’t involve […]

Friends in High Places

I’ve heard of ‘Take Your Daughter to Work Day’ but never the take your best man/mate to the office and on tour version. Did Dr Liam Fox get confused? I suppose we should be grateful he’s big in the Mnistry of Defence and not a gynaecologist.

Strictly Spaghetti

Nancy was reduced to doing the white wine tushy wiggle tonight. She danced with spaghetti legs and even chucked in a crotch close up for Len – but still he only scored her a mingy 5. The beautiful, fabulous, gorgeous, divine yadayadayada Nancy was more You’ve Been Framed than Strictly Come Dancing tonight..

Anita Dobson […]