Booty Salon

It was £22 for an hour long massage, a half hour facial and an eyebrow threading. Ridiculously good value on Groupon.

The eyebrows came first and my threader asked sweetly, “Would you like me to carry on and do your whole face?” which made me feel like bear woman. I just growled and she wisely took that as a ‘No’.

Then I was led into the massage room  and told the usual- strip and lay face down on the table. Which I did, rejecting the standard issue paper knickers and kept my own biggies on. Think huge. A parachute with a gussett.

My masseuse arrived and rolled my big knicks down to the top of my thighs. Not happy, I  reached back and adjusted them quickly. She readjusted them  even more quickly. I yanked them up again and placed the back of my hand on my knickered bum cheek  as a non verbal Getyerhandsoff!

But she ignored me, pushed my hands away, pulled the pants down in an ‘I am in charge here’ motion and slapped twice me on the bare bum.  She warned me, “This is  Indian massage! Stop fighting  inner peace, I find you healing here!” 

She won. I am now reposing on my pink, spotty, oily sea of tranquility.

1 comment to Booty Salon

  • Ginny Willis

    Well how did you feel after all that tortureous pampering? Glad it was you and not me xx