Flip Flop Shop

My husband is a flip flop virgin. The last time we went to a spa hotel he was banned from swimming area for trying to wear his mudcaked hiking boots poolside. They clashed with his standard issue white towelling robe, but that wasn’t his only crime. The lifeguard said his the boots were a health […]

Feckity Feck

If your ankles are not as shapely as they might be, and are difficult to differentiate from your calf – you are the owner of a ‘Cankle’.

This change your life observation was reported on the Daily Mail website today. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1390592/Cheryl-Cole-Miley-Cyrus-Helen-Mirren-suffer-curse-cankles.html Cherie Blair, Helen Mirren, Cheryl Cole and Hilary Clinton are all Canklers, too.

My […]

Apocalate

US Preacher Harold Camping predicted that yesterday, May 21st, ‘Rapture Hour’ would occur and the word would come to an end.

I am very glad the Apocalypse turned out to be Apocalate because my book ‘Me and Mine’ goes on sale July 7th and it would have been a real shame for the world to […]

Curtain Tracks and Fat Feet

I went to buy a curtain track in John Lewis and ended up in their shoe department, as you do.

I asked to try on a pair of shoes that I had no intention of buying in this lifetime or the next. Super high, shiny and tarty they were the sort of shoes best suited […]

Plaster, Pavements and Taytos

I went to the theatre last night. It was experimental. So much so that there were 7 other people in the audience in a room that could have seated 200.

A man came and sat nearer to me than was necessary. He had a plaster cast on his foot. He wanted to chat, I could […]

Blow Fish Breakfast

By 7.45am this morning I had met Mary Portas (she’s got a dolly bum), Brigitte Nielsen ( a banana blonde on stilt heels), Kate Hoey (beautiful soft, curly hair) and pocket sized Chris Hollins who doesn’t look at all like he can dance although all us Strictly fans know different.

I was on BBC Breakfast […]

Booty Salon

It was £22 for an hour long massage, a half hour facial and an eyebrow threading. Ridiculously good value on Groupon.

The eyebrows came first and my threader asked sweetly, “Would you like me to carry on and do your whole face?” which made me feel like bear woman. I just growled and she wisely […]

Happy Buffday Georgeous

Georgeous Clooney was 50 this week and oh how we, I, celebrated! On the day I managed a second apricot custard Danish for elevenses and sangwhisphered him a fantasy rich version of Happy Birthday to Youhoomahdahling…..

Georgeous gets craggier and lovelier by the year whilst so many women of the same age, in and […]

Queen Edna

Will there ever be a better Apprentice moment than Edna in her elbow length satin gloves thrusting out her don’tyathinkI’msexy ‘you and you and you’ presentation on last night’s programme ?

I never want to see the enda Endna.

Karen and Lauren and Way-Hey!

Sha Arrrwp! Yeahhhh! Waaay! I ‘ave! I’ve watched ‘The Only Way is Essex’ and I have a new religion – Essexicity.

I know I am late joining the ‘TOWIE ‘party and the series has just ended but still, in homage, I’m hitting the shops this week for a floral maxi dress and some volumising hair […]