I’ve had a lot of difficulty getting a new swimsuit. The rules of purchase are no cleveage – chest, front or back bottom, no hello sailor gold or button trims, no cups inside the bra that are shaped like sweetheart cabbages and no built in tightly elasticated girdles that would stop the blood supply to my legs and make me very likely to drown once immersed in water. Bikinis are a NO NO NO NO NO and I would consider any swimwear with an attached skirt only suitable for padded cell wear.
So I found one. £25 M&S. It ticked all my rule boxes and I decided to try it on before I went to bed, when the house is warm and I’d be taking my clothes off anyway.
Bed time was 3am (I’d been working, finished my book ‘A Quiet Belief in Angels’, watched ’The Good Wife’ and cleaned out the fridge ) and I was in the upstairs hall in front of the mirror wearing the swimsuit and checking myself from every angle when my husband heaved out of bed and headed for the loo.
Less than half awake he saw me in the swimsuit and his sleep puffed face lit up. ”Are we on holiday?” he wanted to know.
I didn’t have the heart to disappoint him so I said “Yes” which is why he turned off his alarm when he went back to bed, and arrived two hours late for work his morning……