Where Have You Been ?

Writing a memoir (Me and Mine published by Virago in March 2011)  has been big fun for me, but not my family who have heard nothing but “Do it yourself”  from me for months on end.  They did as they were told and all peeled off and had summers of their own whilst I hugged my computer and got a frozen shoulder.

My husband  sodded off  and had a ‘blokeback’ holiday in Ireland with three friends and a dog that kept running away. When he came home I thought he had contracted measles or maybe some rare veneral disease because he had an all over raised body rash. His affliction was actually an allergic reaction to midge nibbles, he’d  been their 24 hour buffet.  By the time he left Kerry the midges were full to the brim and too fat to fly.

It was our first ever separate holiday and without me he learnt to scrape his teeth clean with a teaspoon because he’d left his toothbrush at home.

Daughter number one worked the summer in the offices of an upmarket residential language school for 8-18 year olds from overseas. She took a call from one irate Chinese mother complaining her son’s room didn’t have a sea view. In London.

Daughter number two, a medical student,  was on her psychiatric placement. I don’t think that I am breaching confidentiality rules when I  say she may or may not have met a patient who wanted to date kitchen swing bins.

Daughter number three’s employers for the summer have been Liz and Phil . I cannot say anything else because she’s signed a state issued gagging clause and I don’t want to end up dead in a sports bag.  Or my case, being a generous size 14, make that a sports hall.

Summer is over which means  STRICTLY is back. Oh Bliss. I love it almost as much as Felicty Kendal loves herself.

12 comments to Where Have You Been ?

  • Elise

    Tad disappointed you didn’t mention the paper clips but, as always, you had me laughing out loud.

  • Diddy

    I prefer a wheelie bin, myself

  • Debbie

    Annamay – welcome back! I’ve missed you….
    Does your husband know what a shop is? And more importantly, that majority of them sell toothbrushes? No need to scrape the enamel off his teeth!

    HURRAH! Strictly is back and lett the cat fights begin…

  • I just have this image of these too-fat-to-fly midges trying to get off the ground.

  • Banjo

    Sounds like a very entertaining summer all round…hope you got a nice sun tan from the glare of your computer screen.
    Looking forward to your next blog!

  • Margherita

    Welcome back! Can’t wait to buy the book!

  • Roisin

    Frozen shoulder? You forgot to write about your “stroke”

  • Jan

    Hi Anna
    So glad you’re back. I can’t wait for your Strictly comments. Anne Widdecombe is going to be hilarious but why oh why didn’t they pair her off with that little randy Vincente x

  • Anna May

    Elise, The summer of 2010, paperclips and page 62…..

    Diddy, wheelie and truly ?

    Debbie, it’s going to be so Strictly fantastic this year, I can feel it in my sequins.

    Fran, hope your summer was a blockbuster in writing terms, at least?

    Banjo and Margherita – BIG welcomes !

    Roisin, so I very occasionally have hypochondriac tendencies. Shoot me. No don’t, it might hurt.

    Jan, I SO agree. It would be the television moment of the decade weedy – Vincente lifting Anne W above his head!

    Anna May x

  • Glad to see you back and on fine form too!

  • Debbie

    Annamay – it’s that time of year again!

  • Good to hear from you, Mike, I’ll pop over for a visit to see if you are back too.

    Gee thanks, Debbie. This calls for urgent celebratory cake.

    Anna May x