I am in boot buying hell.
I bought a pair on Ebay and the seller claimed they were brand new and she had never worn them. She told me she had wide calfs (sic). They were WIDE alright, like a London bus. Her suede effect boots keep sliding down to my ankles and tripping me […]
I am in the queue at the pharmacy counter in my local supermarket behind a sweet little old lady. You know the type – lilac hair and cardigan, flowery shopping bag. “Two packs of glycerine suppositories, please, dear.”
“What’d you say?” asked the bored lad on the other side of the counter. She told him […]
Last weekend I e-mailed daughter number two asking for her bank account details. She sent me back a chatty reply with lots of information about getting to grips with plastic vaj-a-jays (all above board, she’s a medical student) before being let loose on a gynae and obstetric ward somewhere near you. Be afraid…….
She signed […]
Writing a memoir (Me and Mine published by Virago in March 2011) has been big fun for me, but not my family who have heard nothing but “Do it yourself” from me for months on end. They did as they were told and all peeled off and had summers of their own whilst I hugged […]