NHS Outpatients. 3.15pm. The clinic nurse is asleep on her chair which is about six feet from her reception desk. Her head is resting on the wall under a handwritten sign that reads ’Good Morning – Welcome to No-Name Hospital.’
I didn’t wake her up. The telephone ringing did . She opened her eyes and stared at it, and tutted loudly. I was stood at the reception desk, within arm’s reach of the ‘phone, waiting to book in. “Shall I answer it?” I ask. She tutted again and shook her head and began to travel by chair towards the phone.
Finally she got there and answered it, but didn’t speak. For a looooong time she listened and then droned “Pardon?” I heard an agitated sounding voice on the other end of the line. “Pardon?” she repeated and then, clearly beyond bored, she hung up the receiver. Another giant tut.
I tell her my name and my medical notes are fished out from a pile. Still using her chair to move around Flinstone Yabadabadoo style( but in slow motion) she crosses the room and places my folder on a stainless steel trolley outside a consulting room. She nods me to the waiting area, indicating I should sit there.
Three people came after me and she tuttted some more, and chair travelled to lay their notes on top of mine.
I had to ask. She was back against the wall with her eyes closed and I woke her with the question, “Do the Doctors take the notes from the top or the bottom of that pile over there on the trolley?”
“Top.” Then she shut her eyes again. So I went and justice-shuffled the notes into time of arrival order. The other people sat waiting and watching but didn’t challenge me, or try and stack them back the way they were. That was a relief because I didn’t want a scuffle.
As I left after seeing the Doctor I bid Nurse Narcolepsy a cheery good morning. But she was alseep and didn’t hear me. And the ‘phone was ringing again.
I thnk you were brave shuffling the files so yours was on top. I would have sat there afraid she might open one eye during her sleepy time, see me and start berating me. Glad she had a chair with wheels as that would have meant she has to get her ass off chair. Hope the Doctor you saw was awake and livelier.
Reminds me of the one who accompanied me down to theatre last year for an operation and then stood drumming her fingers on the side of my trolley bed impatiently because they were taking so long to wheel me in. ‘I wish they’d hurry up,’ she said. ‘I’ve been standing all day.’ I felt like saying, ‘Here, hop on this bed instead of me. You’ll get sliced open but at least you’ll be lying down.’