Booty Contest

Last week in the right corner  of the BBC Radio 5 Live studio there was an ex editor of a lads mag whose name I can’t remember. Let’s call him Bloke Blokey and in the left corner there was me. And what were we sparring about? Whether the swimwear section is an essential part of the Miss England competition. I widened the discussion to whether Miss England  is essential at all.

It was all quite predictable in a  ‘Mr Get ‘Em Off!’ meets ‘Ms Button Up Your Cardigan’ way. I even invented a new word for the young women who choose to compete in these cheek to cheek booty contests and called them ‘Dimbos’ – but I’m feeling a bit guilty today. If those  women want to strut their stuff in stilettos and a sequinned swimsuit why should I sneer at them? Can you hear my conscience stirring?

Beauty competitions are cheesey and take me right back down a time tunnel to 1960’s TV. I remember ‘Opportunity Knocks’ and the contestant who spent three prime time minutes banging himself on the head with a tin tray to the tune of the national anthem. Pointless but very entertaining.

Maybe Miss England is now actually kitsch and has evolved into a heritage pursuit. Perhaps every swimsuit on parade should have a blue plaque attached. Am I taking the objectification of women far too seriously?!  Maybe I am not Ms Feminist North West London but Miss The Point?

5 comments to Booty Contest

  • I personally think any beauty contests should be done, taking your idea, in cardigans buttoned up to the neck, a pearl necklace, tweed skirts, thick brown varicose vein tights and sensible brogue shoes. THEN the girl who comes out looking best under all that should win.

  • Hahaha Fran, RADICAL!
    Anna May x

  • No, just an idea that might give me a chance to be in a beauty contest for the first time in my life. I’ve only ever had modelling offers from ‘Vanishing Cream Weekly’.

  • Julie Pereira

    I heard you on the radio and thought you were very accurate and put the best case forward for banning them agains that man who sounded all leery and covered in cobwebs from the 1950’s. I loved Miss World in the 1970’s and 80’s but my goodness, we’ve moved on from woman wanting to “save the world and work in third world countries” just to get a bit of bling on their head and a sash. I think there should be a “Miss Blog” competition – you’d win.

  • Diddy

    Is Miss England on Shed TV?