Barter and Garter

I am a supermarket tart, I shop around, and today I was trollied up in Asda when there was a power cut.

All the lights went out, the tills fell silent and a bunch of suits appeared and stood shoulder to shoulder shouting into walkie talkies (most likely) to one another.

I headed to the till point where two members of staff one armed with a calculator and the other with a pad and pencil wrote down the cost of anything that was pre priced and guesstimated the price of everything else. The dynamic duo who served me suggested £3.50 for a pink grapefruit, 35p for a tub of olives and 17p for a huge packet of honey nut roast cashews. 

With all the bartering in progress the queue was incredibly slow moving but that gave me time to chat with the couple behind me. She was a 23 year old Phillipino and he was a fifty plus plus scouser who looked like he’d swallowed a dozen footballs for breakfast.  

“Nawmally  he use internet for shop . That where he buy me!” chirped the pretty one of the pair. She was more out than in a green satin bustier top, leather mini skirt, seamed sheer black stockings and a diamanate garter. Her red patent shoes had little locks on their buckles.  Very keen to chat she confided, “I fee him all his foo,  don’t I honay?”  He nodded from behind page 3 of The Sun. She continued, “We do everthang togefur” and “I ova he so far five day.”  Then she told me that a ‘porn sta fwy’ was on tonight’s menu. Yes, I checked – there were some  prawns in their trolley.

Poor girl I thought , all too soon reality will bite. The tills will work in Asda again and her honeymoon will be ova.

3 comments to Barter and Garter

  • bobbie

    great stuff 🙂

  • Julie Pereira

    that’s place to shop! I think that’s great approach rather than everyone abandoning their trolleys. I wonder how much the man paid for woman – perhaps thats a new line for Asda in the international range?

  • Supermarket queues really are the best place to meet weird people. I love looking in everyone’s trolleys, too. You learn a lot about people that way, like looking at their bookshelves. Or the three piece suite and fridge in their front garden. That tells you quite a lot too.