Back Seat Boo Boo

 Yesterday we took a divide and conquer approach to our shopping. I did the supermarket sweep and my husband did the garden centre. He promised he’d be waiting for me in Tesco’s car park when I was done. What that actually means is that he would be parked in the space furthest away from the shop and asleep in  the front seat while Kate Bush shrieked down his earphones. 

 Keeping away from the madding crowd is what keeps his paintwork pristine. It’s his assertion that all supermarket shoppers  are undercover car wreckers.  The whole lot of them are just pretending they need groceries – actually they are  hell bent on ramming, shunting or stealing his five year old Nissan Note. 

After crossing several time zones to reach the car I saw his new tomato plants were arranged neatly in the front seat  so I knew I was destined for the back. We unpacked the shopping together and I went to  return the trolley and get my £1 back.  Garden centre done. Tick. Supermarket sweep done. Tick.

 I opened the back door of the car and climbed into the back  and……. found myself sat next to a baby buckled into a safety seat. He was wearing a spotty hat and stripey socks and sucking on a wedge of white chocolate chip cookie. My first thought was where did my husband get the baby from ?   I heard a high pitched “EXCUSE ME?!”

I had sat into the wrong car, a similar car of the same colour that was parked next to ours.  When I realised my mistake I opened the door and  fell out sideways. I was by then properly out of my Tesco trance and fully in the wide awake club. Before I had a chance to apologise and explain to the woman in the driving seat, presumably the baby’s mum, that I am maniacally menopausal, writing a book in my head when I’ m not writing in on screen and very worried about Alicia taking her husband back in Channel 4’s  ‘The Good Wife’ …… 

I wanted to tell her that distracted doesn’t begin to describe my mental state at the moment.  But before I could I heard the car’s central locking click  and it sped off in a hurry. Presumably to get very far away from me. Understandable. I could be Cruella de Ville’s first cousin and I’d plopped myself down uninvited in the back seat of her car next to her baby.

Sadly my boo boo made the baby boo hoo, I heard him crying as his mum went from 0-60 in less than a minute. And guess what? When I  managed to get  into the correct car  there was my husband  laying back, eyes closed and  blissed out listening to some Kate Bush song about a child in the eyes or summat……Spooky Wooky.

12 comments to Back Seat Boo Boo

  • Debbie

    I can’t stop laughing! You are lucky the mother didn’t hit over head…
    And yes, it is worrying that Alicia has taken Peter back especially with that dodgy photo that’s going to surface.

  • What’s the betting that baby is going to create merry hell every time his mum tries to strap him into the car seat again. Her supermarket trips aren’t going to be quite the same for a while to come … Hilarious story.

  • Anna May

    Debbie, there was a competition going on in that car – who was the most shocked – baby, mum or me ! And is Alicia a bit of a twit? Can’t decide……..

    Fran, I predict there’s going to be a warning posted on mumsnet about women like me.
    Anna May

  • Diddy

    Kate Bush. Now you’re talking….

  • Roisin Nagle

    Do you ever ask yourself ‘why do these things happen only to me?’
    Try it, you might be able to prevent your constant social faux pas (pl.)

  • Julie Pereira

    I amazed the mother didn’t scream for Security,Police or Interpol or all three. Sounds like she was in a trance as well as you. Good job you escaped as she could have locked you in and kidnapped you. Baby sounded cute!

    That beats the time I left my seat at the cinema, went to the loo, then headed back to what thought was my seat. I squeezed in and rested my hand on the man I thought was my husband to find a smiling stranger ready to get snuggy wuggy with me.

  • Anna May

    Diddy – Kate Bush? It’s all hippy hollering to me. Sorry if that wounds.

    Roisin, I’ll try.

    Julie, put night goggles on your Christmas wish list !

    Anna May x

  • So funny! An elderly lady once got climbed in my car while I was waiting outside the school. “Ooh,” she said crossly as though it was my fault. “I thought you were Graham.”

    I did have an unflattering haircut at the time, but honestly.

    I LOVE The Good Wife by the way. I want Alicia to have a fling with whatsisface at work :o)

  • bobbie

    not so funny because no one else noticed, but once upon a time, very tired, I slumped down next to my ex into my seat at the theatre and took ages to figure out why I couldn’t find the seatbelt.

  • I think the time has come to have an electronic tracker put into your body– just like my dog has. In the event of losing your way and to stop your loved ones wondering where you are and what you are up to —- it’s comforting to know that the police can scan you and return you home.

  • Anna May

    Hello Karen, aka Graham, and a big welcome. Why is the power of a bad haircut so much more potent than when you have a good one ?

    Bobbie, that must have been one dullova play!

    Moya, tagging won’t work because I am a woman of mystery.

    Anna May x

  • Ginny Willis

    Oh Anna, it could only happen to you!! I think you should electronicly (sorry, no spell check here) tag your husband so you could shock him out of oblivion when he misbehaves!!