Won’t Tell Lulu

I am in a complaining mood for the following reasons:

1. My husband has lost two stone in weight and is now making me look fatter than I am. Plus he watches me every time I eat a Galaxy Caramel Egg and is impairing my enjoyment of  sucking out the centre. No-one mention Jack Sprat and his wife…..

2. I ordered some age delay face cream from QVC three weeks ago and despite several telephone calls and a lot of form filling in – it still hasn’t arrived although I’ve told them it’s an EMERGENCY.

3. I have just finished ‘One Day’ by David Nicholls and cried because it was over and I want to be able to write like him and it stinks that I don’t. 

4. Lulu gets on my not surgically enhanced t**s . She doesn’t look young, she looks like a plastic surgeon’s muse but she’s keeping her saveloy size lips tightly closed on the ‘has she/ hasn’t she?’  question because it helps to sell her anti ageing creams on QVC.  See complaint number 2 above.

9 comments to Won’t Tell Lulu

  • Julie Pereira

    Lost two stone? let’s hope he find it. Lulu looks like road kill with highlights – I like her song “Shout” from 1960 but don’t really get what she’s done for 50 years. As for “One Day” – it was fabulous until the ending but you’re better than he is.

  • Pauline

    ‘The Woman Who Talked Too Much’ has my copy of ‘One Day’ (civilised swap at the Firestation book swap) because I got to page 385 and threw it at the wall. I can no longer give the book house room. It is ex-ex libris Pauline and shooting’s too good for the blighter who wrote it.

  • Anna May

    Pauline, I am wounded. You MUST have laughed at his description of the game ‘Are You There Moriarty?’ and cried when Dexter went back to stay with his Dad after the drink binge?
    Anna May x
    ps: and I have actually sent David Nicholls a worship e-mail….

  • Anna May

    Julie, I hope Lulu doesn’t read this blog or a time bomb (that’s what her booty range is called) could be on it’s way to you! Thanks for the big up – very much appreciated but not true.
    Anna May x

  • Pauline

    Anna May, I am sorry you were wounded on David Nicholls’ behalf. I loved the book until page 385. I am trying to be discrete for those of your readers who might not have got that far, so I can’t say WHY I indulged in a book-throwing tantrum. And yes, I cried over the tinned soup.

    And, to make up for giving his book away, I bought ‘Starter for Ten’ today at Victoria station, which is surely the literary equivalent of a dozen Hail Mary’s.

  • Anna May

    Ah Pauline, I’ve just cleaned my glasses and seen that you wrote page 385. I had been scrutinising page 285 to see what had offended you so badly……
    I reckon DN had his sights on selling the screenplay when he DID WHAT HE DID Hilary Swank has probably been pencilled in to play Emma.
    Anna May x
    ps : I liked not loved Starter for Ten

  • Pauline

    The movie is being made, Anna May; internet rumour has Jim Sturgess and Anne Hathaway in talks for the lead roles. Maybe the film will give the book a Hollywood-style makeover, all DN’s fans will object and I will smile. You never know…

  • Despite knowing that my husband and myself could do to lose a bit of weight, that I should be smearing age defying cream into every nook and cranny of my body whilst reading THAT book I would consider a potion to get rid of the dreaded fox poo smell off my dog after his walk in the fields as a miracle second only to creation!!!!!! Wait a minute—– Where’s that pot of Lulu’s cream?

  • Anna May

    I reckon Lulu considers herself a bit of a fox, Moya !
    Anna May x