Cactus Egg

Had a small op this week  and my time in Day Care revealed how very bossy I am. I told the anaesthetist to check with me at every stage whether or not I still wanted to proceed.  “I might change my my mind. Even at the point when you are ready to press the knock out drug into my vein….. so you will check I still want it, won’t you?” Those were my last words before she gave me an evil grin and pressed down on the syringe – hard and fast. Knocking me out was probably her definition of job satisfaction.

My husband took the day off to take care of me. This  involved him enjoying an Eat As Much As You Like Even Though Your Wife Is  Nil By Mouth And Ravenous (AND WATCHING) Bedside Buffet. He suspended his diet and ate a big bunch of bananas, a packet of Hobnobs and a chocolate cupcake washed down with a litre of Lucozade. As he chewed he diddled with my precious iphone. Somehow he managed to change  the alarm settings which only became obvious when it went off at 3.23am and interrupted my recuperative sleep.

The next morning he shook me awake with “Why can’t I open my eye ?”  I had to sit up in bed and grope around for my glasses before I could even see where he was. I put them on and screamed in horror.

I screamed because he had a giant lump. On his face. It looked like he was hiding a Cadbury’s Creme Egg beneath his cheekbone. The spot was THAT big and it had an epicentre the same colour as the creme egg filling. It had somehow managed to push his eye closed and drag down his lower eyelid at the same time. Not pretty, especially as he was unshaven. A chocolate egg/cactus/mammal hybrid.

“It’s the stress of being in that hospital” he declared when he saw it, “I need more Lucozade, can you get me some? Oh, and maybe a soft boiled egg?”

5 comments to Cactus Egg

  • Oh yuk, yuk, yuk. Was Easter a good time to tell us this story, or are you thinking of our waistlines and doing us a favour?

  • Anna May

    Fran I’m with you – lucozade and bananas – yuk!
    Anna May x

  • Diddy

    Maybe he’s hatching an easter chick?

  • Julie Pereira

    the poor dear coming out in spots – it was all that stress of the hospital for him. they should have given you a pre-med to calm you down and stop you annoying them!

  • Is his signature tune ” Anything you can do I can do better”?