Cactus Egg

Had a small op this week and my time in Day Care revealed how very bossy I am. I told the anaesthetist to check with me at every stage whether or not I still wanted to proceed. “I might change my my mind. Even at the point when you are ready to press the knock […]

Tenner Lady

My 23 year old son went oop north this weekend to visit his cousin J, and stayed over at his ‘crib’, his trendy first independent post university home.

On Friday night the two lads partied until dawn and then slept till 3pm on Saturday. Before a second night on the lash they popped into visit […]

Bins and Wrinkles

It’s arrived, my age delay anti-wrinkle cream, and it has been deployed twice.

I don’t like to brag but the postman asked “Is your mummy home?” when I answered the door to him this morning.

Not really he didn’t. The only person who has commented on my turn-back-time face cream is my daughter who sniffed […]

Won’t Tell Lulu

I am in a complaining mood for the following reasons:

1. My husband has lost two stone in weight and is now making me look fatter than I am. Plus he watches me every time I eat a Galaxy Caramel Egg and is impairing my enjoyment of sucking out the centre. No-one mention Jack Sprat […]

St Hat-tricks Day

I have just walked through a supertmarket foyer and seen two women with green faces dancing to a tape recording of Paddy McGinty’s Goat. They were related they told me and cackled, then demanded with menace that I guess how.

Judging by the way their joints were cracking as they danced I wanted to say […]

Snotting Hill

I think I must be the opposite of agraphobic because I was out again last night. This time at a very hard to categorise event called 5 X 15, held monthly at the Tabernacle in Notting Hill Gate.

Blame Rosie Boycott. It was her idea to get 5 people to talk an a subject they […]

Dolly the Sheep and Woopert

I went to a free talk last week arranged by the BBC Writers’ Room about how to write for television drama series including Eastenders, Holby City, Casualty and Doctors. There were at least very keen 200 people there, all straining forward in their seats.

Queuing to get into the hall I had a […]

Stars and Stripey Pyjamas

Overall I declare it dull this year – but not dull enough to duvet dive any time before dawn. I watched the lot and passed my husband on the stairs at six o clock this morning when he was on his way down and off to work. My job, watching the 2010 Oscars, was done. […]

Hiawatha Hosiery

I thought ‘Mantyhose’ – tights for men – were extreme.

But how about these from Wolford ? Fringed tights at £199 a pair. If you can’t afford them but yearn to be on trend my tip is to wear cheap fishnets and don’t shave your legs until your below the knee, ahem, ‘fringing’ has […]

The Grim Sleeper

Oscar is a five year old cat living in a Rhode Island nursing home who – FIFTY times in a row – has slept on the bed of a resident who then dies a short time later. Staff are convinced that Oscar is predicting who is next to pass away……

I’m no Miss Marple but […]