Having just read Julie’s comment about the stollen – don’t buy them from Poundland. We had two in the office and could’ve been classed as deadly weapons they were so hard.

Note. The silver balls are not made of silver. Nor yet do they seem to be made of sugar. No, they are those tiny little ball bearings that you find when you dismantle the front forks of your pushbike (all males dismantle bicycle front forks at least once in their lives – it is a genetic imperative) and they bl**dy hurt when you bite on them. If my teeth hadn’t already been strengthened by the exercise gainied gnawing through the plaster of paris outer layer to reach the golden marzipan beneath, I’d probably be down at dentists now looking for another crown or two.