Strictly Priscilla

Natalie “Ain’t I really nice?” Cassidy thinks she’s exactly the same size as her dance partner Vincent. Fly in the Los Angeles based (licence fee funded) BBC body dysmorphic specialist.

But sod. make that double sod, Strictly – I’ve been to the theatre to see Priscilla Queen of the Desert and I loved […]

Me, Myself and I

I met a real life grumpy old woman yesterday. Yes, a genuine TV one.

If talking about yourself was an Olympic sport this woman would have out Redgraved Steve . In ten minutes she told me she wasn’t old or grumpy and that she looked much younger than she is. Wrong times three, I promise.

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Present and Incorrect

It will soon be my birthday and this year I have introduced a complete ban on presents. I beg my friends and family to do the decent thing- reciprocate and liberate me from the time, trouble and expense of choosing gifts for them.

The final straw came last year when someone who knows me very […]

Flying Falsetto

Around midnight on Friday I felt the earth move. I live about six miles from BBC White City and when The Nolans stamped and shouted ‘I’m in the Mood for Dancing’ on Children in Need there was a definite rumble all the way out here.

Sadly no-one on Strictly seemed to be in the […]

Cap Fear

I have cauliflower knees. When did that happen ?

I noticed them, all white and bulgy, in the changing room at Marks and Spencer when I tried a dress on that may now have to become a top over trousers. I’m wondering if Spanx do strangulation tights that might lift and flatten them.

I want […]

I Don’t Like to Complain, But ……….

Poor Lionel Blair-Hair. He gurned straight to the camera and sent a telepathic message to the BBC that said “Gissa Job?” on last night’s Strictly and Tess didn’t even acknowledge him in spite of his quite outstanding neck work. He craned at the camera like the old trouper that he was. Is.

Strictly broke […]

Dead Dogs and a Scots Barber

Last night I went to a talk called ‘Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?’. It was given by Gordon Smith who is a spiritual medium, also known as the Psychic Barber.

His views on life and death were certainly Book and CD shifting stuff. After his talk Gordon autographed merchandise and generally coined […]

Glitterballs and Sequin Straightjackets

Will there ever be a Strictly moment like it again ? Rod Stewart crackling and phlegming into the mike along with a bit of pensioner pelvic thrusting whilst his wife Penny, wearing just a sparkly tshirt and high heels shimmies around in front of camera. Penny has great legs and is able to shake her […]

All Under Control

My nipples are closer to my face than to my navel for the first time in two decades. I have Rigby and Peller to thank for this stellar feat of engineering.

I have always worn M&S bras and have been complaining that they don’t make them like they used to, muttering darkly about carrier bag […]

Gareth Malone’s Sandwich

My daughter who started at uni in September has just texted me, and it wasn’t about money or laundry……it was about Gareth Malone of ‘The Choir’ fame. Gareth who makes me go gooey in an unmaternal way.

The big news is that today at 12.45pm Gareth was sitting outside Kings College London eating a sandwich […]