I had an NHS blood test today in a leading London teaching hospital . The wait was long but I kept myself amused by terrorising other patients with my eyebrows. This was to make it clear that I was Number 86 and not one to be queue jumped without dire consequences. Number 52 was flashing to call in the next patient when I sat down. Long waits like that make me glad I don’t have a boney ass.
Anyway – to my (needle) point. When I finally entered the blood test room it was open plan. And all eight bloodsucking chairs were arranged in a square, facing inward. From my spot I could see six other patients giving blood and because of the position of my chair around fifteen more people who were facing my way in the waiting room. It was an audience, a pale and sickly one, but still an audience.
I didn’t complain, mostly because I might have been relegated to Number 199 - but is it too much to expect some privacy whilst you are stuck with a needle in a state of the art London hospital?
If having a blood test is now a communal activity why bother with a dedicated room at all ? Send the phlebotomists out wearing blue plastic gloves and aprons (and matching peaked hats maybe) with a rucksack full of syringes to roam the outpatients clinics, the hospital cafeteria and even the nearest bus stop. They could be sponsored by the Evening Standard and give patients a free London paper for being brave.
What’s next ? Dental treatment , delivering babies, rectal examinations en masse ?