Roaming Polanski

The law has finally caught up with film director Roaming Polanski who raped, sodomized and drugged a thirteen year old girl and fled into exile before he was sentenced by the US court that had found him guilty. I’m not going to say how long ago the crime took place because what’s that got to […]

The Dunwoody Dad Dancing Academy

Has anyone in the history of Strictly ever been so thrilled to be a terrible dancer as Richard Dunwoody? My advice is now that he’s been voted out the man should open a Dad Dancing Academy, and keep taking the horse tablets because they are SO working.

Poor Lynda Bellingham. She forgot she was on […]

Crunchy Nut Lambrini

I have a Freshers Week Update. Daughter has survived Week One at university and this morning/afternoon ate her crunchy nut cornflakes from a mug that still tastes of last night’s Lambrini.

In the same call she asked me if I knew what Colour Catchers are. I replied yes. They are inventions for hungover eejits who […]

Unicorn Hair

I was supposed to go to my neighbour’s house, triple unlock the door, clear and stack the post and free newspapers, unset the alarm, let THAT bloody cat in, feed him, tuck him in for the night, reset the alarm (with a different number) and then, the next day, go back and do it all […]

Good Times

Yay ! I made it into the Times today – hope I don’t need an appointment with my GP anytime soon.

The Times: Don’t trust me, I’m a doctor

Cat Flap

I have blogged before about my very posh neighbour who loves her cat. If I saw her snogging that cat, I would not be at all surprised.

Yesterday I was heading home after walking my dog and bumped into proud-pussy-mummy in the street. She didn’t say hello. Instead she asked “Have you seen my cat?”

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The Jordan Tell All/Tell Nothing Jig

Katie Jordan Price Andre is entitled to keep schtum about her rape experience. It is her right to choose although my view is that to protect herself and other women from the mystery man in question, reporting her attack to the police would have been the right, albeit difficult, thing to do.

What puzzles me […]

Strictly on Sunday

Ballast legs Martinia Hingis got lobbed off Strictly last night with an dazzling loser’s grin fixed to her face. That would be the one she perfected during her years as a dull tennis player.

Lynda Bellingham couldn’t move much, let alone dance, because her industrial strength knee to nipples Spanx had her in such a […]

Foam Truths

We took my daughter to university today. My husband enquired – in a strangulated voice – just how many outfits she needs to study Classics as he ferried her suitcases up two flights of stairs in her halls of residence.

On the drive there she asked a lot of questions about washing clothes and operating […]

Bare Necessities

My 19 year old baby is off to University on Saturday and she has made a list of essentials to bring/buy. Stationery, pens, text books or 5 a day fruit and veg don’t feature anywhere on it.

So far it reads: Magnifying Mirror, Thai Dipping Sauce, Apple Schnapps, Hair Straighteners, Student Loan letter, Gold Stilettos […]