Went to see Avenue Q last night which was great fun and six of us laydeeees ate at Wagamama pre theatre. The chat got around to good beauticians. I was, I admit, still smarting from that whippet thin ‘booty’ therapist telling me I was bloated a few days earlier. For the full force of my indignation on that subject go to http://www.annamaymangan.co.uk/2009/08/down-with-dairy/.
We spat our noodles across the room when one friend told us that she had been to a well know beauty therapist for a facial and had her face, neck and BREASTS massaged . She wailed in self defence above our screeching laughter ”I thought it must be OK – it would have been rude to interrupt her, she had a nice smelly candle burning and was playing whale baby music….. ”
Her dismay reminded me of when I worked at a well known magazine company many years ago. A chiropodist was provided for staff , free of charge, and several girls in my office went to him for a foot treatments, me included.
Once I came back from my appointment complaining that my knees were sore, and my colleagues asked me why. I explained that kneeling on the chair for 15 minutes as the chiropodist tackled my hard skin from behind was uncomfortable. I was shocked by their response – the whole office erupted, they knocked over coffee mugs and plant pots, they were doubled up with laughter.
Apparently, I was the ONLY person he had asked to face away from him. Clearly this guy was a big bum fan because he would push his forehead into my posterior and grunt as he grappled with my heels. Every other member of staff was invited to sit on the chair facing foot man/buttock fan in the conventional way and he would silently go about his foot work.
I realise now how daft and innocent I was. He was wearing a white coat and holding a sharp blade so I assumed he was a professional. In fact he was a big ass kisser. Or am I too suspicious? Did he like my bum or just dislike my face?
Oh my God. This is why I do not go in for treatments. They are all mauling, marauding sex maniacs thinly disguised as masseuses/chiropodists.
I’ve never had a professional massage. I asked my partner had he – he said yes. Curious, I asked was it ‘legit’. ‘There was no happy ending, if that’s what you mean,’ he said. Happy ending indeed! But for whom…?!
A ‘happy ending’ – that’s genius, Nuala!
Anna May x
Please ,please Anna- May promise me you’ll never turn your back to a man unless you have a designated female buddy nearby taking notes and pictures.