Who says London is the most expensive capital city in the world ? On Friday evening I drove into London in the nick of time – minutes after the congestion charge was no longer payable and pulled up at a parking meter in Covent Garden just as they stopped charging for the night.
My freebie night out began with a walk around the National Portrait Gallery where I got to study the hair on Germaine Greer’s legs (she was wearing a gorgeous Jean Muir dress in her portrait) and how there was no hair at all on the aero dynamic legs of Darcy Bussell the ballerina. The people viewing the art were at least as interesting as the work displayed and I have now perfected tilting my head to the left, nodding and murmuring ‘mmmmmn’ (think first bite of a warm lemon and poppyseed muffin) in appreciation to prove I know what I like.
On the way out of the gallery I had fun in the revolving doors and got a telling off from the security guard. The word hooligan was definitely implied. Fantastic. I told my children about the reprimand, and they said I should grow up.
Next stop was the Fourth Plinth in Trafalgar Square and the One and Other exhibit that changes every hour. There was a bloke on it in a red T shirt and jeans. That’s all there is to say about him. He said nothing, displayed nothing other than his beer belly and did nothing. Instantly forgettable, but free of charge, so I suppose you get what you don’t pay for. Thank you Antony Gormley.
Walking back to the car I walked past the Drury Lane theatre and met one of the biggest stars currently appearing on the London stage in the new production of Oliver! He had stepped out with his minder for some air. We had an immediate connection, he and I. Our artistic temperaments embraced instantly. This megastar allowed me to touch him all over and he licked my arms and hands in gratitude as I did so. His major celebrity status was forgotten, he liked me so much that his tongue was hanging out, he was panting hard and he even peed a little right there on the spot with excitement. His name ? Bullseye, Bill Sykes dog. Adorable and so down to earth.
Art, Boring Fart and Bill’s Bullseye. I heart London.
