I’m Bouncy

My outfit is all ready – already –  a dead giveaway sign that I am excited and my huge holdall style handbag is stuffed to bursting with the essentials for my favourite day out of the year. Can you guess where I am going from what I have packed ?

2 bags Coconut Mushrooms, 1 big bag Jelly Babies, 2 packs minty chewing gum. Fox’s Glacier Mints, Revels, peanut M and M’s – all family size.  2oz cough candies, 2oz rhubarbs and custards, 2 tubes of Pringles (plain and sour cream and cheese), 1 pack honey roasted cashew nuts, 1 pack of Percy Pigs, 2 packs Fizzy Cola bottles from Haribo, 1 sherbet dab, 6 giant sherbet flying saucers, mint and plain Aero, 1 pack of paracetemol plus,  jumbo pack of anti bacterial wipes, one folding sunhat, 2 bottles Evian, gaviscon tablets, binoculars, a lamb bone, a permanent marker, some mini sick bags and factor 50 sunscreen.

That’s right – Wimbledon Centre Court is my destination and there is a Debenture seat there with my name on it for Tuesday of next week. I am a tag-along on some corporate entertainment event that has absoluately nothing to do with me (it’s a shaggy dog/stroke of luck story) so I am the self appointed sweetie and bacterial wipe sherpa.

I do adore the tennis, but gawping at who is in the Royal Box is pure entertainment, too. That’s what the binoculars are for. One year my borrowed binoculars were so powerful I was able to count Sean Connery’s nasal hairs (87). Mrs Connery  was a conker brown colour and looked like Jeanette Krankie in a fandabodozi glam wig, and Princess Michael of Kent is a dead ringer for Hagrid in disguise. Last year Cliff Richard wore a shrimp coloured jacket that triggered my gag reflex, not good news after swallowing a dozen cocunut mushrooms, I promise you.

And as for the tennis players. How do they keep their whites so white ? Is Shane Ritchie lurking in the changing rooms doing the business with a packet of Daz  ? And why are their bums set so high on their bodies ? Non tennis players have an ass that starts below the waist and ends (with a bit of luck and a lot of clenching) at the top of their legs. Tennis players have buttocks, shaped and sized like apples, that stand high on their back and glint in the sun. The anti bacterial wipes are for the beads of sweat that appear when I consider this physiological curiousity and how it looks on the male players. Remember Pat Rafter ? Pass me another wipe, please.

And the lamb bone ? That’s  for Blue, the oldest, bossiest and most loyal dog in the world who hates being left alone all day at home whilst his owner, the very generous bearer of my ticket,  overdoses on sugar and tennis. Thank you Blue for letting him go and thereby granting me my golden day at Wimbledon.

7 comments to I’m Bouncy

  • You forgot the earplugs for if it starts to rain and Cliff starts singing again!

  • Aha – no more rain delays because there is now a roof. Cliff is SO over !
    Anna May x

  • Debbie

    I’ve heard so many stories about the famous MASSIVE bag that’s filled with sweets and the sugar rush that follows!

  • Debbie

    Why the lamb bone??

  • Debbie

    Just read why 🙂

  • Anna May

    Debbie, you’ve just got to love Blue!
    Anna May x

  • Ah coconut mushrooms. The only kind of mushrooms that pass my lips. Mind you, I didn’t even know they were still made. And so begins the great coconut mushroom quest in East Galway.
    And mint Aero. Slurp…I am actually salivating here…
    Enjoy, Anna May!