No More Where

My husband and I meet in the middle of the day. He leaps out of bed before dawn singing Irish rebel songs and rushes out into the garden to sniff and lick the dew as I groan and drool and push my face into the pillow willing the day to go away until 2pm. That time in the afternoon is the appointed hour when I am fit to engage in conversationwith him, or anyone else.  I am not a morning person. There is a rider, though. There must be NO questions  that  start with the word “Where…..?”  at any time of day.

I NEVER answer  “Where?” questions, or thinly disguised “Where?” questions that begin with “You haven’t seen….?” or “You wouldn’t happen to know….?”  This ban on “Where?'”questions is good for my soul, and even better  for my husband and son and daughters go find it your bloody self skills.

I reached tipping point one evening a year or so ago when, although I was obviously busy doing something else, within half an hour my family had formed a queue to ask me  to speak aloud the location of car keys, cash, underwear(clean), outerwear(dirty), pesto sauce, poo bags for the dog, a squash ball, a hair net, last weeks Radio Times, loo roll, toothpaste, a gooseberry yoghurt and spare dongles,  they’re for the computer dont ya know ? Even the dog was looking at me that night, head cocked, acting like he wanted to ask me where his bone was buried.

Now I love my husband but one of the many things he does that makes me want to pummel him is refuse to understand that the no ‘where’ questions rule applies to the fridge, too. He will go to the fridge for something,  and never be able to find it. Our fridge is of regular dimensions. It is not the size of a small castle.  I think he thinks I live in there because he opens the door, the light goes on and then some reflex makes him shout my name  into the back of it followed by a description of what he wants in there.  ” Anna May ! Where’s the …..?”

Why do women always get asked the “Where….?” questions and, more importantly, why do they nearly always answer them ?

5 comments to No More Where

  • Roisin

    Love the new makeover, it looks better, more summery, though I imagine england isnt that hot atm.

    Here it rains every day, and then gets very very VERY hot inbetween rain showers. Right now it is very hot- blergh

    I rang you yday? No answer?
    xxxx

  • Amy

    Where is my passport?
    xx

  • There is now a £15 charge, per item, for every ‘Where’ question that I am expected to answer. Prepayment is required.
    Anna May x

  • Men can’t find anything. It doesn’t matter that they live in the same house as you, they may as well just have landed from outer space. When I’m asked ‘Where is..?’ I pause dramatically (killer silence – they hate that) then say ‘Where did you leave it?’ Or ‘I don’t wear your runners/t-shirts etc.’
    Yes, the three male occupants of my house are scared of me. They still can’t find anything whether it belongs to them or not. OR whether it’s staring them in the face or not. Selective blindness is what it is and a need to ba mammied into their old age.
    Posted by a v Cranky Nuala, who is STILL waiting to give birth. No doubt to another lost and searching MALE of the species…

  • Anna May

    Hello Nuala, I’m writing this on my laptop under the stairs because your comment scared me. Where is your patience ??????!!!!!!!! Just kidding, and hope this labour is a speedy slide-out. Wishing you all good things, Anna May x