I’ve just seen an ad on the telly for sanitary towels, and because it’s the first day of Period Attack for me I want to pay tribute to the women who skip, jump, sail, unicycle, high dive and laugh uproariously in skimpy underwear and tight white trousers when they have just come on.
My belly is currently the size of an air balloon and I have a couple of spots of similar proportions. The green double headed monster pimple on the end of my nose is so heavy that I’m having trouble keeping my chin off my chest. Speaking of chests, mine is like two painful boils. I have a heated cherry stone bag in the shape of a wicca woman stuffed down the front of my knickers to ease the pain in my belly and I want to eat evertything in the sweetshop. And best of all now that I’m menopausal the monthly bleed can be weekly or fortnightly instead.
The only entertaining thing about periods is the pet names us women, our mothers and grandmothers gave them. My mum substituted the word ‘friend’ for period, and would ask sympathetically “Ah, have you got your friend?” followed by a grim warning not to wash my hair until it was all over.
So what’s your ‘friend’ called ?
I just called it ‘my effing p’. After 28 years of it and rampant PMS, I still hate it with a vengeance. Pregnancy, with all its trials, is a welcome release…
I refer to mine as “the red ambulance” or another one I heard this morning was “blob”.
My neighbour told me this morning she call hers ‘the raspberries’….
The raspberries!!?! That’s way too positive in my book!
My mum never ever acknowledged the existence of periods- they were the horse with no name – how I went on to have four kids is a complete and utter mystery.
Sorry to hear about your PMS Nuala. I NEVER get that. My husband would tell you the same if he wasn’t still in the convalescent home after I clubbed him round the head with a cauliflower last month.
My best friend’s boyfriend told her that PMS is state of mind…
I suggested he watch “Beaches” or “Bambi” on loop along with being whacked in his lower back repeatedly and maybe (just maybe) he will understand.
He should spend some time in a dungeon along with my husband who says he’s going to write a true story called ‘Childbirth Pain – The Myth’
Anna May x
Hello, Beth here,
had a chat in the staffroom and came up with painting the town red, got the decoratos in, monthlys, the CURSE x
How about ‘Riding the Crimson Wave’
Sounds very exciting
My friends and I call it “Riding the crimson wave.”
…Exciting ir what?!
My friends and I call it “Riding the crimson wave.”
…Exciting or what?!
I’ve heard people say “I’ve got egg on my shirt.”!!!
sorry but I say blood chunkage !
Mine are no trouble. I call them the strawberry shortcakes x
Hahaha, don’t have a period pet name but i call tampons my high iron tea bags if that’s any help to y’all ? Great Blog !!!!
My cousin who had thought she was pregnant(would have been third time in as many years)told me “Thank God when I woke up this morning the red flag was flying.”
Jan,
periods, pregnancy, persecution !
Anna May x
You’ve got your rags!! My totally understanding boyfriend’s name for it!
Hahaha, good to hear a sympathetic male perspective !
Anna May x
My mum called hers “Auntie Jane” (as in “Auntie Jane’s come for a visit”) and noted it on the calendar with a discreet “J”.
I’m sure you’ve heard of the famous “Always” diatribe that has been making its way around the internet. My favourite flush-out-the-bogus-email web site Break the Chain attributes it to humour essayist Wendy Aarons of Austin, Texas, but everyone wants to believe she really sent it to Proctor and Gamble. I kinda wish she had too!
Hello Persephone,
FABULOUS name you have. If I was inclined to rename myself I would tussle between Ursula and Persephone.
Is it just a coincidence that ‘Auntie Jane’ rhymes with pain ?
Anna May x
A friend told me today she dated a Dublin man who said she was ‘in her flowers’ when she had her period which is blooming lovely, isn’t it ?