I was home alone in my jim jams at 2pm (blame the snow) and struggling to meet a deadline for a piece I am writing. So I did what I always do when time is short. I ate a yum yum, watched a bit of QVC and rummaged in my daughter’s VAST make up bag that she leaves on the sofa every day.
I noticed she had a new lipgloss and even though I hadn’t brushed my teeth thought I’d give it a whirl, Might help me concentrate, I thought. I slicked it on and checked myself in the downstairs loo mirror and the last thing I remember thinking was ‘ Yes, gorgeous’ before my lips started to tingle.
Then they started to sting and next they were full on burning. So much so that I ran to the kitchen and plunged my face into the washing up bowl that was full of cold water and unwashed breakfast dishes. I am certain I heard sizzling as my lips, which felt like the size of two jumbo sausages, hit the cold water. I emerged from the washing up bowl with soggy rice krispies stuck to my face and resolved to sue whoever it was that was selling this toxic lip gloss.
I called my daughter to tell her that her lip gloss had attacked me, but my lips were so sore and swollen she couldn’t understand what I was saying . I texted her instead.
Her reply came -’ Oh yeah, that stuff, it’s got rat poison in it and it ‘s supposed to give you lips like Angelina Jolie’.
So naturally I gave it another go and was pouting and posing on the sofa in the kitchen when my husband came home from work. He gave me a long look and said “Can I ask you something?” I hissed ”Yeth” through my new lips, and waited for my compliment.
“Why haven’t you washed up the breakfast stuff?” was what I got.
Ha ha ha! I had the exact same experience!
Although I would probably have thrown the rolling pin at my husband for asking that question
Yeah, he’s a beast and I would have told him so but for the lips ! Anna May x
What must you have looked like – glossy, soggy and with crusty swollen mouth! I think Angelina Jolie is quite ordinary apart from her lips with are massive and I’m not sure I get Brad at all. Stick with your Vaseline.