Noony Juice

My husband is a typical man when it comes to visiting the doctor. His rule of thumb is stay at home unless it turns black.

At a recent physiotherapy apppointment he told the young , blonde and comely woman who was helping him to open his legs as wide as possible (he has hip issues) […]

Stars at Night

I can’t be sure if I was hallucinating because it was 5am and I’d been awake for 22 hours but was Whoopi Goldberg wearing an animal print car blanket at the Oscars ? Miley Cyrus was parading in a dress that was layered up like roof tiles and Sarah Jessica Parker was dressed like the […]

Ho Ho Voodoo

A friend sent me an email with some real life quotes from a book called ‘Disorder in the American Courts’ and this exchange gave me a laugh out loud moment , voodoo you or voodon’t you think this is funny ?

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: […]

Grave Thoughts

I made it into the Independent newspaper his week with an article about the hows and whys of body donation to medical science. Here’s the link http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-wellbeing/features/life-after-death-donating-your-body-for-research-1623676.html

The piece was inspired by my husband declaring that should he die first he wanted me to arrange a Viking Longboat funeral for him. As the Grand […]

Valentine Schmalentine

I bought petrol today and had to queue to pay behind a line of trembling men with terror in their eyes and £9.99 bunches of half dead flowers in their hands. They were panic buying some lurve action because it’s Valentine’s Day.

My husband has a free pass on this celebration because I made it […]

Nippletastic

As Salma Hayek uses her body parts to empathise (she breastfed a stranger’s baby in Sierra Leone this week) I hope her charity work never takes her to a sex addiction clinic. She could cause havoc.

Puppy Pocket

Our friends have got a new puppy. He is the size and shape of a baking potato with legs that are so short that his fat little belly is barely off the ground when he walks. He gets lost in the short grass.

My husband calls him Badass, but his owners have christened him Barney.

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Lip Service

I was home alone in my jim jams at 2pm (blame the snow) and struggling to meet a deadline for a piece I am writing. So I did what I always do when time is short. I ate a yum yum, watched a bit of QVC and rummaged in my daughter’s VAST make up […]

Dogs Bags Kisses

My daughter, who is 21, brought her best friend Jane home from university today. It’s a big step up from a play date because we’re all adults. We drank masala tea and ate BLT sandwiches (mine was just an LT because I’m a veggie) and did the Activia challenge straight after we’d eaten our Mr […]

Snow Go

My husband, a teacher, has been on his knees all weekend summoning snow so that his school would have to shut down and he could have a free day off to walk the dog and play his tin whistle.

It was getting to the point where if it didn’t snow he would have needed a […]